Approaching the Finish Line
By BRUCE LOWITT Partial transcript of a Zoom conference call involving President Donald Trump, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Vice President JD Vance, Middle East Envoy Steve Witkoff, and presidential son-in-law Jared Kushner, preceding the announcement of a deal that could lead to the end of the war with Iran.Trump: “……
What’s up, Doc?
By BRUCE LOWITT It turns out that not all of the 22 “doctors” who recently examined Donald Trump had medical degrees and, according to Sean Barbabella, DO, his personal physician, had been summoned to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center to study “other aspects of the president’s condition.” Barbabella, a doctor of osteopathic medicine,…
Trump: A world apart
By BRUCE LOWITTParaguay, its Asociación Paraguaya de Fútbol, and three of its South American neighbors sued President Donald Trump and the United States government after he barred the Paraguayan World Cup soccer players from entering the country to play its scheduled Friday match against the USA team.This comes one week after Trump issued an executive…
Chinese takeout
By BRUCE LOWITT (Excerpts from the conversation between President Donald Trump and China’s leader, Xi Jinping, with the translation for Trump of Xi’s statements provided by White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, who took a two-week crash course in Mandarin prior to the trip.)What Trump heard: “You’re looking fine, Mr. President.”What Xi said: “你突然变老了而且胖了很.” (“You…
Trump’s balls … room
By BRUCE LOWITT President Donald Trump, announcing that his still-to-be-built ballroom attached to the White House was not going to be “yooj enough,” has redesigned an enlarged version with plans to host a Super Bowl, the NCAA Final Four, and attract other events. “I don’t see a reason why I can’t bring a future World…
Operational Screwups
By BRUCE LOWITT (Code names considered for United States operations against Iran and elsewhere detailed in notes written in staff meetings by Army Chief of Staff General Randy George and Naval Secretary John Phelan, among the officials later fired by unstable Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. The notes were found tucked between sofa cushions in the…
Holy crap!
By BRUCE LOWITT Partial transcript of a telephone conversation between President Donald Trump and Pope Leo XIV. The call, initiated by Trump, was recorded at the suggestion of Cardinal Pietro Parolin, Secretary of State of His Holiness, to be included in Volume 2 of The Vatican’s Bloopers, Boners, and Bombast album. Pope Leo XIV: “Hello?”…
Vance: Hungary for power
By BRUCE LOWITT Vice President JD Vance announced that he will run for prime minister of Hungary against Viktor Orban after being told by Donald Trump that he’ll be banished from the MAGAverse for not fully supporting the president’s now-temporarily halted plan to annihilate Iran.“It’s great that we’ve avoided World War Three for the time…
Gender Games
By BRUCE LOWITT The International Olympic Committee has run into a gender-bending roadblock of sorts in its goal to ban transgender athletes from future competition in women’s events, namely how to determine who’s in and who’s out, starting with the 2028 Summer Games in Los Angeles.“At the Olympic Games, even the smallest margins can be…
How much?! For what!?!!
By BRUCE LOWITT The Trump Administration admitted that a portion of the $200-billion taxpayer dollars it is requesting to continue what it calls the “short-term excursion” in Iran has already been spent by an undisclosed number of the president’s sycophants for what it calls “necessities” such as makeup, Botox, and high-altitude condoms.Twice-demoted Kristi Noem spent…
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