Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT The governors of 11 states plus Mayor Muriel Bowser of Washington, D.C., will begin shipping immigrants to Wyoming by midsummer because, as Colorado Gov. Jared Polis said, “they’ve got like six people per square mile up there. They could handle a few million people without even blinking.” Polis said asylum seekers inContinue reading “Wyoming: Bienvenidos solicitantes de asilo”

By BRUCE LOWITT In a mea culpa for their insensitive treatment of Ohio State kicker Noah Ruggles a week ago, the Atlanta Falcons’ halftime show during Sunday’s victory over Tampa Bay featured highlights of their Super Bowl meltdowns against New England and Denver and a fistful of other miserable moments during their mostly pathetic 57Continue reading “The Falcons blew more than a game”

By BRUCE LOWITT All it took was eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, plus discarding his soul and conscience, visits by Rumpelstiltskin and the Wicked Witch of the West, letters of support from Vladimir Putin and Viktor Orban and a case of Stockholm Syndrome – and KevinContinue reading “McCarthy’s got game but no balls”

By BRUCE LOWITT Donald Trump, already steamed when 221 Republicans didn’t vote for him as Speaker of the House of Representatives, threw his cheeseburger, golf shoes and a folder of classified documents out a Mar-a-Lago window during a tantrum when Matt Gaetz, after initially nominating and voting for the former president, changed his mind andContinue reading “Trump: one and done, and so is the House”

By BRUCE LOWITT Kevin went to sleep with votes in his pocket and woke up with votes all over the floor. When he got out of the bed this morning, as he had the morning before, he tripped on his ego and by mistake he dropped his conscience in the sink with the water runningContinue reading “Kevin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”

By BRUCE LOWITT Congressman-elect George Santos, having admitted to falsehoods about his education and employment history, said Tuesday he wants to “clarify a few more details about my life, including that my name actually is Sheila Jordan and that I’m Jim and Polly Jordan’s son.” Santos, a Republican elected in November to represent parts ofContinue reading “Santos: His word is his (junk) bond”

By BRUCE LOWITT The New York Mets, frustrated by what team owner Steven A. Cohen called “our signing only some of the best players,” announced Saturday the purchase of the rest of the National League East Division for a reported $16.9-billion. “We considered buying the entire league,” Cohen said, “but decided the $35-billion price tagContinue reading “Meet the Mets’ new teammates”

By BRUCE LOWITT The United States Supreme Court, throwing out the findings by the House committee that investigated the Jan. 6 Capitol riot, said Tuesday that former President Donald Trump was not guilty of any of the criminal charges the committee referred to the Department of Justice because “he’s our guy.” In a 6-3 decision,Continue reading “SCOTUS: Trump’s not guilty, but not the House committee”

By BRUCE LOWITT Today they’re the Commanders. But if Gen. Mark A. Milley gets his way, Washington’s troubled National Football League franchise will be busted out of the officer corps and down to Seamen, one of the lowest ranks among the U.S. military’s enlisted personnel. “Think about it,” said Milley, Chairman of the Joint ChiefsContinue reading “Commanders? Not for long”

By BRUCE LOWITT House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, concerned that he is well shy of the 218 votes he’ll need to take over the speakership when Republicans become the majority in January, is meeting with members whose primary goal appears to be torpedoing his career as well as the GOP in general. “I believe thatContinue reading “Kevin McCarthy: “You asked for it, you got it””