Author Archives: lowittlowdown

The secretly recorded transcript of the meeting Thursday between Rep. Kevin McCarthy, R-Sycophant, and Donald J. Trump at the former president’s golf course near Mar-a-Lago. (Sound of shrubbery rustling to the left of the third tee)Kevin McCarthy: “Mr. President?”Donald Trump: “In here. It was a practice swing. Doesn’t count.”KM: “Uh, it’s Kevin McCarthy, not yourContinue reading “The Minority Leader-Former POTUS Summit”

Pete Rose was laughing as he counted his winnings when sports writers caught up with him in Las Vegas as he collected fistfuls of bills from forlorn-looking bettors. “I knew it. I knew it. I knew it,” baseball’s all-time hits leader (among his various records and achievements) cackled when the Hall of Fame voting wasContinue reading “Schilling didn’t make it and Rose knew it”

Team captain Steven Stamkos and goaltender Andrei Vasilevskiy apparently are in Tampa Bay Lightning General Manager Julien BriseBois’ doghouse. “When something like this happens to us – something that should never happen to us – it’s a nightmare,” BriseBois shouted in an otherwise funereal locker room Saturday after the Lightning lost a game for theContinue reading “Tampa Bay Lightning in turmoil”

As the inauguration ceremonies of President Joseph R. Biden drew to a close, Vice President Kamala Harris sidled up to her predecessor. “Have you heard from Trump?” she asked Mike Pence. “Who?” “Donald.” “Who?” “Oh, I get it,” Harris said, and she and Pence laughed at the thought that the former president of the UnitedContinue reading “Trump decides to run … away”

Donald Trump is desperately trying to find a National Football League coach to accept the increasingly unprestigious Presidential Medal of Freedom after the New England Patriots’ Bill Belichick turned down the award. “There’s got to be another head coach out there who admits he still likes me and wants the medal,” the president said afterContinue reading “Anyone want a Presidential Medal?”

Soon-to-be-former President Donald Trump plans to split the GOP, taking with him his most ardent supporters to form a new political party called the Special Republican Guard (SRG). “I got this idea when Steve (Stephen Miller, the president’s senior policy adviser and deputy assistant undersecretary of vampires) told me he was reading a book aboutContinue reading “Breaking bad: Trump’s latest policy shift”

Following his granting of clemency to murderers and other felons, aides and allies, President Donald Trump has turned his attention to pardoning athletes and others whose transgressions rocked the sports world. “I’m the greatest sportsman in the world and I believe these people’s reputations have been unfairly sullied by fake news,” Trump said. “I know,Continue reading “‘Greatest sportsman’ grants more pardons”

The U.S. Government is expected to begin sending coronavirus relief checks to about 160 million Americans the last week in December, the amount based on congressional formulas. The nearly $1-trillion COVID-19 bill underwent a series of revisions just prior to passage, said Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Mount Crumpit), who called it the “GOPerfect” bill after Sen.Continue reading “COVID relief checks: more like checkmate”

The Trump Administration has announced that a new “anti-vaccine medication” is being rushed into production and distribution for the millions of Americans who distrust the Moderna and Pfizer/BioNTech immunizations. “Myopia has been proven 99.7 percent effective with people who reject my recommendation that they get the shots to combat COVID-19,” Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’sContinue reading “Don’t trust vaccines? This drug’s for you”

Cleveland’s Major League baseball team said Monday it is dropping the name “Indians” which it has had for 105 years and will become the “Headbangers”. “We felt we should honor something that is exclusively Cleveland and nothing says Cleveland more than the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” team owner Paul Dolan said. “Well, exceptContinue reading “Four more “tribes” leaving major sports”