Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT The Republican Party, desperate to guarantee its self-immolation following the 2024 presidential election, has added riders to its loyalty pledge requiring signers to support any candidate found guilty of espionage or other major felonies or attending a drag-queen story hour, and to contribute at least $10-million to his or her campaign orContinue reading “Loyalty is a one-way dead-end street”

By BRUCE LOWITT The secretly recorded transcript of Donald Trump’s meeting with his attorneys prior to Tuesday’s court appearance at which a not-guilty plea was entered to special counsel Jack Smith’s 37-count indictment charging the former president with illegally retaining national security documents and obstruction of justice: Trump: “You’re fired!” Jim Trusty: “You can’t fireContinue reading “Trump has the right to remain silent. What are the odds?”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Freedom Caucus, tired of being considered a disorganized mob of malcontents as they battle the rest of the Republican Party as well as Democrats, is seeking actors and directors to make the GOP’s right-wingers seem more reasonable and less like the pack of howling hyenas they are.“I sit at my deskContinue reading “Dignified Republicans? A tough act”

By BRUCE LOWITT The PGA Tour and rival LIV Golf bankrolled by Saudi Arabia have agreed to merge because, as PGA Commissioner Jay Monahan explained, “monopolizing our game works, and it turns out that sportswashing works as well.” “From now on, anyone who wants to play golf for anything more than a two-bit Nassau orContinue reading “The PGA Tour and LIV Golf: bigger balls than anyone ever imagined”

By BRUCE LOWITT With the departure of Louie Gohmert of Texas, the Republican Party has chosen Sen. Tommy Tuberville of Alabama to be their biggest liability in Congress, silently supporting his stance on white nationalism and his blocking of hundreds of military promotions. Gohmert, R-Imbecile, retired in January after 17 years of fomenting conflict, angerContinue reading “Welcome to Tuberville: Celebrating the 19th Century”

By BRUCE LOWITT The field of candidates for the 2024 presidential election grew to 23 today with the addition of Ron Johnson, Josh Hawley, Elise Stefanik, George Santos and Louie Gohmert, all of whom claimed separately in their announcements that front-runners Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis “are morons” and said the same of each other.Continue reading “Like a virus, the field keeps growing”

By BRUCE LOWITT In response to Donald Trump’s claim that a loss by him in the 2024 presidential election would prove it was rigged, Ron DeSantis promised he will rig the voting to guarantee himself a victory.And when Trump said he would expand the rights of gun owners if he is reelected president next year,Continue reading “Don vs. Ron: dead heat”

An Occasional Feature May 18 By BRUCE LOWITT In 1652, Rhode Island became the first American colony to pass a law abolishing African slavery; however, the law was apparently never enforced. “No shit!” said 10,000,000 Africans shipped to the United States. In 1863, the Siege of Vicksburg began during the Civil War, ending July 4Continue reading “Today in Hystery”

By BRUCE LOWITT 1. These are real sports. One of them is conducting its championship on Saturday. Which sport is it?(a) Fistball(b) Floorball(c) Foosball(d) Football(e) Fuzzball(f) One of the above 2. Which of these is an active league?(a) AFL(b) CIO(c) XAT(d) PBS(e) STD(f) None of the above 3. Which of these is an actual leagueContinue reading “Who is Russ Brandon?* If you know, you’ve already passed this test”

By BRUCE LOWITT Gov. Greg Abbott admits that the mental health problems responsible for the increase in mass shootings in Texas are primarily his own. “I don’t know whether it’s my slavish adherence to the Republican party’s love of guns or my love of John Wick movies, or perhaps just my own my stupidity andContinue reading “Abbott takes a shot at gunplay in Texas”