Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT After failing three times to become speaker, Jim Jordan mounted an unsuccessful attempted coup to take control of the House of Representatives’ highest office by force Friday, leading an armed insurrection backed by Reps. Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, Anna Paulina Luna, Scott Perry and other MAGA Republicans. But Reps. Seth Moulton, D-BronzeContinue reading “Crossing Jordan: It’s getting easier”

By BRUCE LOWITT In yet another surprise move, Rep. Matt Gaetz and his hard-right coalition of Republicans joined with Democrats to re-elect Nancy Pelosi Speaker of the House of Representatives, the seat she has twice previously held. “If Kevin McCarthy thought the job was tough, we’re going to make her life a living hell,” Gaetz,Continue reading “Nancy Pelosi: She’s ba-a-ack!”

By BRUCE LOWITT Vice President Kamala Harris, realizing she was what she called “a drag, an albatross, an anchor on my party” as Joe Biden’s running mate for the 2024 presidential election, relinquished her office Friday and was immediately named by California Gov. Gavin Newsom to the newly vacant U.S. Senate seat created by theContinue reading “For Biden, no vice is a virtue”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Republicans simultaneously attempting to distance themselves from and suck up to former president Donald Trump held their second arm-waving, spittle-spraying debate in Ronald Reagan’s Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California, apparently just moments after Trump’s papier-mache model of Air Force One landed in the building. Fox News host Dana Perino, FoxContinue reading “As a matter of fact … uh, never mind”

By BRUCE LOWITT Sen. Bob Menendez, saying he is “going where I fit in better,” quit the Democratic party Wednesday and joined the Republicans who have been supporting his decision to remain in the U.S. Senate despite overwhelming evidence of his corruption. Menendez, R-Graft, federally indicted for accepting hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribesContinue reading “Welcome to the Dark Side”

By BRUCE LOWITT Sen. John Fetterman admits he’s using a body double to take his place in Congress, showing off his new line of clothing under the label “Liberal Livery” – and has revealed that he’s one of more than a dozen senators employing dopplegangers. “The reason is simple,” Pennsylvania’s freshman senator said. “I discovered,Continue reading “Fetterman: Body and Soul”

By BRUCE LOWITT Quarterback Vinny Testaverde, saying he “owes it to the Jets for my lost year,” signed with them Friday and is expected to start Sept. 24 at New England against the team that ruptured his Achilles tendon and cost him the 1999 season. “I know I’m 59 years old and I’ve been outContinue reading “V-V-V-Vinny and the Jets”

By BRUCE LOWITT The 11,000 “runners” disqualified from last month’s Mexico City Marathon for taking shortcuts and using mass transit were, it turns out, pregnant women and partners from Texas and elsewhere in the United States seeking safe legal abortions. “With so many of our states attacking women’s reproductive rights, we have to bypass thoseContinue reading “The runs in Mexico”

By BRUCE LOWITT The U.S. Supreme Court, jumping the gun on state attorneys general contemplating whether Donald Trump is ineligible to serve as president again, ruled against him and also threw all but three of the 535 members of Congress out of office for being “insurrectionists” or “morons” or “because we just don’t like them.”Continue reading “Cleaning House, and the Senate”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Big Ten Conference, Big 12 Conference, Atlantic Coast Conference and Southeastern Conference, determined to solidify their monopoly of televised college football and complete their hostile takover of the sport from the NCAA, announced a merger and expansion for 2025 to become the 80-team Biggest Freaking Football Conference Anywhere Ever. The BigContinue reading “One conference for all and all for one”