Category Archives: Uncategorized

In a stunning development, Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president in 2024, turning on Donald Trump, the man he has slavishly backed for the past five years. “I finally learned my lesson,” Gaetz, R-Nubile, said during an address before the Miami Beach chapter of The Baby-Sitters Club. “YouContinue reading “The Gates of Hell: the Hell of Gaetz”

Major League Baseball’s decision to pull this year’s All-Star Game out of Atlanta has triggered an avalanche of similar moves in response to Georgia’s voter-suppression laws. “I’m sure Atlanta Braves fans will be disappointed,” Commissioner Rob Manfred said, “but we’ve ordered the franchise moved to Buffalo for the foreseeable future, starting with Friday night’s homeContinue reading “MLB’s All-Star Game decision was only the beginning”

Warner Bros., cashing in on the popularity of its just-released big-budget monster movie, has signed its director, Adam Wingard, to helm its next major motion-picture production, Godzilla and Kong vs. the GOP. “Normally we have one or two so-called villains in the Godzilla films,” Wingard said, “but in this production there’ll be a plethora ofContinue reading “… and you thought these two were monsters?”

After first barring overseas spectators from attending the Tokyo Olympics and Paralympics due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Japanese government and the Summer Games’ Organizing Committee have decided to bar overseas athletes as well. “The fact that they are not able to attend the Games from abroad, that is both disappointing and regrettable,” Seiko Hashimoto,Continue reading “The Olympics will be downsized this year”

The Committee for the Ruination of Major League Baseball has added “bonus runs” and a few more wrinkles to the 2021 minor-league season’s additional rules in an attempt to speed up the game. “Whenever a player hits a home run, his trip around the bases will be timed,” Michael Hill, MLB Senior Vice President ofContinue reading “Baseball: faster, maybe; dumber, definitely”

With more parents, teachers, politicians and other children choosing up sides on whether to “spring forward” and “fall back,” changing our clocks twice a year, Sen. Susan Collins, R-Wishywashy, has submitted a bill which she said will satisfy people on both sides of the argument. “I call it the Sunrise-Moonlight Preservation Act,” the extraordinarily indecisiveContinue reading “Time is on Collins’ side – but which side?”

Now that vaccinated grandparents desperate to hug their grandchildren have been given the go-ahead by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention after months of being limited to phone calls and Zooming, seniors from coast to coast are wondering what to bring the tykes for their first in-person visit. The toy industry is coming toContinue reading “Hey, kids, look what the ‘grands’ brought you”

The revelation that Donald and Melania Trump were vaccinated during the last days of his presidency has resulted in a flood of white supremacists, neo-Nazis and other hate groups demanding shots to protect them from the coronavirus. Trump urged what he called “my right-wingers and other wingnuts” at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) toContinue reading “Good shot, bad shot; depends who you ask”

Donald Trump has listed the White House as a $78-million loss and claimed the other 4,498 U.S. residents named Trump as dependents, according to his federal income tax returns. “When Melania and I moved into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue that place was a dump,” the former president said. “We poured a ton of money into itContinue reading “A dollar here, a dollar there. It all adds up.”

Despite a 16-car pileup early in the 63rd running of the Daytona 500 and a fiery last-lap crash in the rain-plagued event that ended after midnight Sunday, driverless “robot cars” will not be allowed in future races. NASCAR chairman and chief executive officer Jim France said that although advances in automotive technology could make racingContinue reading “Driverless cars? No ‘bots’ about it”