Category Archives: Uncategorized

By BRUCE LOWITT (Partial transcript of a Zoom conversation among President Donald Trump, in England, and several of his cabinet members and other sycophants and flunkies in the United States following the indefinite suspension of Jimmy Kimmel Live by the ABC Television Network. The transcript was provided by RT, the Russian state-controlled international television network,Continue reading “TV or No TV: That’s Not a Question”

By BRUCE LOWITT President Donald Trump has downplayed the gravity of Russia’s flying drones over California and Illinois on Sunday, suggesting it was either a mistake or “my pal Vladimir Putin wanting to provide us help with how we deal with crowds of anti-government protestors, since he has a lot of experience.”The incursion into UnitedContinue reading “Trump: Droning On”

By BRUCE LOWITT World Athletics, the global governing body for track and field, said more than ninety-five percent of female athletes have completed sex testing for next week’s World Athletics Championships in Japan, but testing of the testers is lagging behind due to their unwillingness to identify how and with whom they conducted the tests.“ThisContinue reading “Repositioning Athletes”

By BRUCE LOWITT In a stunning policy reversal, President Donald Trump said he was rescinding his orders requiring the detention of people based on the color of their skin, speaking Spanish or accented English, and their presence at places where low-salaried day laborers gather, saying his decision is based on what he called “the self-preservationContinue reading “Trump: On Second Thought, I Need You”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Pittsburgh Steelers were fined $1-million Monday by the National Football League after it discovered that the team had used an AI-controlled robotic quarterback in place of Aaron Rodgers to throw four touchdown passes Sunday in its 34-32 victory over the New York Jets.“Pulling a stunt like this could permanently damage theContinue reading “Rodgersgate”

By BRUCE LOWITT With a ballooning state budget, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis said he expects the cost of educating the state’s schoolchildren “to drop by at least fifty percent in the coming years, saving millions of dollars, maybe even billions, once our ‘No Needles’ plan takes effect.” Dr. Joseph Ladapo, the state’s surgeon general, announcedContinue reading “DeathSantis be not proud”

By BRUCE LOWITT The University of North Carolina’s Bill Belichick said today that, based on the Monday night outcome of his debut as head coach of the Tar Heels, he has decided to swap jobs with 24-year-old girlfriend Jordan Hudson for the remainder of the football season. “I know I told Good Morning America thatContinue reading “Belichick knows what he doesn’t know”

By BRUCE LOWITT Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has clarified his statement that he could diagnose children with “mitochondrial challenges” by eating some of their hair, explaining, “Actually, I’d also have to drink some of their pee.”Symptoms of mitochondrial disorders include muscle weakness, a failing nervous system, brain and heart malfunctions,Continue reading “CDC + RFK Jr. = FUBAR”

By BRUCE LOWITT Under an agreement between the NCAA and the NFL, Jim Harbaugh will be barred from coaching the Los Angeles Chargers’ first 12 games, and possibly more, this season as punishment for a sign-stealing scandal dating to when he coached the 2023 national-champion University of Michigan Wolverines. The NCAA, essentially a feeder programContinue reading “Harbaugh and the Wolverines: Everything’s just fine(s)”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Great Alaskan Summit and combined Team Snowball Fighting-Ice Fishing competition, bringing Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump together, achieved a one-day photo opportunity and little else. Putin maintained his decision to continue Russia’s war in Ukraine and Trump distracted the American media from the Jeffrey Epstein fiasco for a day. “We hadContinue reading “Alaska: Nothing Ventured”