Category Archives: Uncategorized

By BRUCE LOWITT Dan Snyder, professional putz and former owner of the Washington Commanders, made a surprise $250-million offer to buy the suddenly-available naming rights to the NFL team’s stadium, causing a stampede of season-ticket holders demanding refunds. “I can’t give you an exact number because the line outside our office is about a mileContinue reading “If Snyder’s back in, the fans back out”

By BRUCE LOWITT Partial transcript, recorded by a U.S. Supreme Court clerk who provided it on condition of anonymity, of the conference in which the justices decided to hear former president Donald Trump’s immunity appeal: Chief Justice John Roberts: “Now before we …” Associate Justice Clarence Thomas: “Not guilty!” Roberts: “Clarence, we haven’t even decidedContinue reading “SCOTUS FUCTUS”

By BRUCE LOWITT At 4:29 p.m. Tuesday in the well of the Senate, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell announced he will step down in November as Republican leader “because I have decided …” At 9:53 a.m. Wednesday, after a 17-hour, 24-minute pause, during which he stared blankly at a mostly empty chamber, McConnell completed his statement:Continue reading “Mitch ditches the bitches”

By BRUCE LOWITT Morally and potentially financially bankrupt former president Donald Trump, with legal judgments of $542-million (and growing), is seeking $2-billion from Crown Prince and Prime Minister Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia in exchange for his daughter, Ivanka.“Moe – that’s what I call him; we’re very close – told me he’s very interestedContinue reading “The Crown Prince: “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid””

By BRUCE LOWITT The Enhanced Games have shifted into high gear now that the world has begun paying attention to those other Olympics, the competition in which athletes will be forced to rely only on their determination, their endurance, their skill.You know, the boring ones. Unlike the Summer Games scheduled for July 26-August 11 inContinue reading “The High & the Mighty”

By BRUCE LOWITT As a three-judge federal appeals court announced Tuesday that Donald Trump “could have immunity …” the former president bolted from the courtroom to claim victory, not waiting to hear the rest of their ruling: “… from rabies, measles, chicken pox, a relapse of syphilis or various other diseases, but not from prosecution.”Continue reading “Immunity? Sure, but from what?”

By BRUCE LOWITT Homeland Security Secretary Alejando Mayorkas said Monday he has ordered the U.S. Border Patrol to surround the Texas Capitol and Gov. Greg Abbott’s home with concertina wire and to fill the mansion’s pool with a floating buoy barrier “in order to fulfill the United States Supreme Court’s wishes.” Mayorkas said his decision,Continue reading “Mayorkas goes wire to wire”

By BRUCE LOWITT Former president and professional defendant Donald Trump, in his never-ending search for new lawyers to replace those who have quit or been fired by him, has hired now-former U.S. District Court Judge Aileen Cannon, whom he persuaded with a five-million-dollar check to resign from the bench Thursday and head his legal team.Continue reading “Trump’s Cannon shot”

By BRUCE LOWITT France scrapped its plan to open the 2024 Olympics with a massive boat parade on the Seine after the ship expected to carry the 645 members of the United States team sank three smaller vessels its wake and plowed into two others during a rehearsal Friday on the iconic river. No athletesContinue reading “In Seine decision? No”

By BRUCE LOWITT Super Bowl LVIII has the potential to be “the most controversial and screwed up NFL championship game ever,” Commissioner Roger Goodell said Thursday, one day after announcing that referee Bill Vinovich will lead the crew officiating it. After a season in which officials were often criticized by players, coaches, fans, and sportsContinue reading “NFL refs: blowing more than whistles?”