Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT Rudy Giuliani lost his New York law license and just about everything else except his underwear on Tuesday. The former star federal prosecutor, once hailed as “America’s Mayor” for his leadership in the wake of the 2001 attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, Giuliani spent the past fewContinue reading “Rudy 000: Licensed to do nothing”

By BRUCE LOWITT In his first official presidential act since the Supreme Court’s decision Monday granting immunity for all official presidential acts, Joe Biden ordered the assassination of his predecessor and competitor for the White House. “I used to think that I’d enjoy watching my opponent wearing a complexion-matching jumpsuit as he was being marchedContinue reading “Courting Disaster”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Los Angeles Lakers’ drafting of LeBron James’ son, Bronny, has ignited a wave of reactions by other NBA players insisting that teams sign their kids. “If the Lakers can see fit to signing LeBron’s untested 19-year-old for a million-or-so bucks a year for three years until they admit he’s not goodContinue reading “The Lakers: Just Kidding”

By BRUCE LOWITT The line of senators, congressmen, governors, mayors, city councilors, millionaires, billionaires, televangelists, and others extended out of the U.S. Supreme Court, along First Street and down Maryland Avenue as they waited to discuss what they called hypothetical business arrangements. “Let’s say,” reclusive multibillionaire and MAGA superfan Timothy Mellon asked Associate Justice ClarenceContinue reading “You can’t spell COURT without CORRUPT”

By BRUCE LOWITT Transcript of the recording of former President Donald J. Trump’s rehearsal for Thursday night’s debate with President Joe Biden in Atlanta on CNN. The secret rehearsal was conducted Wednesday from 3:35-4:10 a.m. in the Rome, Ga., home of Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Bloodlust. The role of CNN moderators Jake Tapper and DanaContinue reading “Trump: Hooked by debait”

By BRUCE LOWITT Transcript of a recording reportedly made by Cecilia M. Altonaga, chief judge in the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida, while she sought in vain to persuade Judge Aileen M. Cannon to hand off to another jurist the classified documents trial of former President Donald J. Trump: JudgeContinue reading “Cannon: Out of order”

By BRUCE LOWITT Milwaukee closed its doors for the summer to the Republican Party on Friday as Mayor Cavalier Johnson and Wisconsin Gov. Tony Evers told the GOP in a joint statement to “stick their national convention where the sun don’t shine.” The decision to lock the doors of the Fiserv Forum during July 15-18Continue reading “Milwaukee to the GOP: Take a hike”

By BRUCE LOWITT Budding theoretical ethicist and veteran moral degenerate Donald Trump, having resolved his electrocution-vs.-sharks conundrum, has turned his attention to kittens, pioneer schoolmarms, and parades in his quest to prove he would be the best presidential decision maker. Trump told a rally Wednesday at Utah’s Aspen Grove Behavioral Hospital, “Say there’s a Chicago-boundContinue reading “Trump jumps the shark and the rails”

By BRUCE LOWITT Technically, it took the jury two days to announce in court that Donald Trump was guilty on all 34 felony counts of scheming to influence the 2016 presidential election by suppressing a story about an affair with a porn star – but interviews with jurors tell a different story. “Two minutes isContinue reading “DJT: 45 + 34 = 86”

By BRUCE LOWITT (Excerpts from Tuesday’s defense and prosecution summations in former president and potential future cellblock leader Donald Trump’s hush-money trial. After six weeks of testimony from twenty witnesses in Judge Juan Merchan’s court, defense attorney Todd Blanche conducted his summation, followed by prosecutor Joshua Steinglass.) Blanche: “I hope you haven’t been paying closeContinue reading “And Justice for All (well, for some … maybe)”