By BRUCE LOWITT
Defects have been discovered not only in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, but also in President Donald Trump’s proposed Triumphal Arch and the White House presidential master suite, as well as the ballroom under construction.
“Vandalism. It’s all due to Dumocrat socialists and communists,” Trump roared when told that the reflecting pool failed in at least 85 places due to mistakes in renovation, that his arch was likely to collapse under the weight of what one architect called “those fucking Nazi statues atop it,” and that statues of Trump throughout the ballroom would hinder rapidly entering the underground Presidential Emergency Operations Center.
The White House master suite was a different issue, according to new White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, because it was driven by First Lady Melania Trump.
“They already sleep in separate bedrooms but she wanted to build an inpenetrable floor-to-ceiling wall between them,” Zacharia said, “and a lock whose combination would require solving a basic math problem.”
In exchange for the president agreeing to the wall, the press secretary added, the First Lady would be willing to do without the gun turrets she installed outside her bedroom when the Trumps moved into the White House in 2016.
An Aug. 6 “failure analysis” by Atlantic Coating Inspection contains dozens of photos of the Lincoln pool liner’s deficiencies, including blisters, peeling, and cracks and descriptions of their likely causes, along with videos of Trump “lying through his teeth when we told him it was that two-bit crappy company he hired to do the initial job … and him insisting his stooges find someone else to blame,” an ACI spokesman said.
Recent photos of the ballroom site show a construction zone where the East Wing used to be, with construction platforms, machinery, and partially built structures sprawled among the White House grounds.
“The problem,” according to a site foreman who spoke on condition of anonymity, “is that if you look at the plans, all the proposed interior statues and presidential ego-gratifying shit take up so much space that you couldn’t hold a decent wedding or bar mitzvah party without scratching a third of your family off the guest list.”
