Category Archives: Uncategorized

Thank you for calling the United States Government. Your call is important to us. Well, okay, not really. But we have to say that although, frankly, we couldn’t care less about what you think unless you are willing to share your thoughts along with a few thousand dollars. Your call may be monitored and/or recordedContinue reading “Thank You and also F#%k You”

Tiger Woods, in the most remarkable and highly questionable comeback ever in professional golf, won his sixth career Masters Tournament, tying Jack Nicklaus’ record, as one challenger after another disappeared off the leaderboard. Woods, who survived a Feb. 23, 2021, one-car crash near Los Angeles, said he was “thankful that I was able to withstandContinue reading “Tiger swears he was lucky to win his sixth Masters”

The latest incarnation of the United States Football League debuts next month and USFL Executive Vice President Daryl Johnson predicts it “has a chance to succeed if we can keep Orangeman’s tiny hands off us or don’t screw it up ourselves.” Johnson, a fullback with the National Football League’s Dallas Cowboys from 1989-99 and aContinue reading “The new USFL: Useful or Useless?”

Ketanji Brown Jackson, facing strong and sometimes blatantly noxious questioning by Republican senators at her Supreme Court nomination hearings, thanked her antagonists for their occasional pursuit of truth “and a most entertaining dog-and-pony show.” “I have watched previous hearings as senators have questioned nominees,” a smiling Jackson told GOP senators, “and most often they haveContinue reading “KBJ vs. GOP: We have a winner”

Russian President Vladimir Putin has granted FOX television host and resident quisling Tucker Carlson full Russian citizenship. “Comrade Carlson has done at least as much for Mother Russia in the past month as Aldrich Ames and Robert Hanssen did in their decades as Soviet spies while in the American government,” Putin said in a statement.Continue reading “Tucker Carlson: Rossiyane”

As quarterback Deshaun Watson weighs contract offers from the New Orleans Saints and Carolina Panthers, a majority of the grand jury that voted against charging him with sexual misconduct also voted that he should remain with the Houston Texans. “I don’t think we – excuse me, they – can’t get anyone as good as Deshaun,”Continue reading “How and why the Deshaun Watson grand jury voted”

Riots broke out at Churchill Downs and off-track betting venues around the country as gamblers who had bet on Mandaloun to win the 2021 Kentucky Derby demanded to be paid after Medina Spirit was disqualified. “This is an outrage,” former president Donald Trump said. “I personally placed a $700,000 bet on Mandaloun’s nose and atContinue reading “Trump outraged again … and again”

Aaron Rodgers says he plans to quarterback the Green Bay Packers in 2022 in order to continue his current 12-season streak of failing to win a Super Bowl.“I’ve talked at length various times about being comfortable walking away and just not playing,” Rodgers said. “I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished in Green Bay theContinue reading “Rodgers: Back to the Pack to extend his Super Bowl streak”

The Major League Baseball Players Association, throwing a curveball at Commissioner Rob Manfred and team owners, announced they will hold spring training – and the regular season if necessary – in China. “We’re pushing to get our game back into the Olympics,” Tony Clark, executive director of the players union, told a news conference, “andContinue reading “MLBPA: Take me out to the 棒球比赛”