Category Archives: Uncategorized

By BRUCE LOWITT The New York Giants fired head coach Brian Daboll after his wife, Beth, asked that they dismiss him “because as much as he loved the job and the players,” she said, “he was nothing short of insane when he got home after the games.” After granting her wish Monday, Giants owners John MaraContinue reading “Daboll out. Belichick back?”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Trump administration, in its pursuit of a totally white-bread United States, is reducing the number of refugees admitted to the country to one thousand and will limit them to one hundred white South Africans and nine hundred Swedish bikini models. Among the emigrating South Africans, at least half should be expertsContinue reading “Trump: ‘Screw Emma Lazarus’”

By BRUCE LOWITT University of North Carolina football fans, enraged by the Tar Heels’ 17-16 overtime loss Saturday to visiting Virginia, burned Bill Belichick in a Kenan Memorial Stadium end zone following the game – admitting they accidentally incinerated their actual head coach rather than an effigy of him. The regulation game ended 10-10, theContinue reading “Belichick ‘fired’”

By BRUCE LOWITTIn a remarkable first, President Donald Trump changed his mind and promised not to send a surge of federal agents to San Francisco after Mayor Daniel Lurie promised not to send contingents of the California National Guard to Mar-a-Lago and the demolished East Wing of the White House to control the “rebellions” happening there. “I think heContinue reading “Trump (no shit) backs down”

By BRUCE LOWITT The addition of a glitzy ballroom to the White House is only the first stage of President Donald Trump’s plan to reimagine federal properties including the Pentagon, Lincoln Memorial, Mount Rushmore, and the Grand Canyon.“This stuff is old, often boring, and generally useless,” America’s last president and first king said during aContinue reading “Reimagining Trump”

By BRUCE LOWITT Aaron Rodgers, Pittsburgh’s unnervingly mild-mannered quarterback, went berserk in the locker room following the Steelers’ Thursday night loss in Cincinnati, according to teamates who said he blamed everyone but himself for the Bengals’ 33-31 victory. “I’d say ‘batshit crazy’ is how I’d describe Aaron’s behavior,” Steelers wide receiver DK Metcalf said ofContinue reading “Rodgers: Over and Out”

By BRUCE LOWITT Having temporarily run out of so-called enemies to prosecute, President Donald Trump ordered his personal “law firm” of Bondi, Martin, Blanche, and Halligan to indict Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, Fox news anchor Sean Hannity, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, and his son Eric, “because I can.”Trump denied that his steady wave ofContinue reading “Indiscriminate Indictments”

By BRUCE LOWITT As the University of North Carolina football team, under first-year coach Bill Belichick , staggers through the worst start of a season in its 137-year history, and frustrated by the program being dropped from a planned behind-the-scenes documentary by the Hulu streaming service, boosters are weighing the choices of buying out Belichick’sContinue reading “Belichick and UNC: “bowl”-bound?”

By BRUCE LOWITTDonald Trump, claiming “we never would have lost the Ryder Cup if I was President … uh … I mean the United States would have totally won the Ryder Cup if I had been on the team,” and that the tournament should have been played at his golf club in Bedminster, N.J., hasContinue reading “Trump: Hooks and Shanks”

By BRUCE LOWITT On the heels of the University of North Carolina’s 34-9 blowout loss Saturday to the University of Central Florida, Jordan Hudson, Tar Heels’ 24-year-old acting head coach and soon-to-be former girlfriend of Bill Belichick, has applied to the NCAA to enter the Transfer Portal in order to, as she put it, “hookContinue reading “Jordan & Bill: Movin’ On Out?”