Category Archives: Uncategorized

By BRUCE LOWITT President Donald Trump says the $500-billion increase in military spending in his forthcoming budget will cover the cost of converting all Abrams tanks to coal power and the gold-plating of a dozen tanks to be stationed around the new White House ballroom. In addition, the budget calls for installing state-of-the-art gymnasiums inContinue reading “Indefensible”

By BRUCE LOWITT Tony Clark’s sudden resignation as executive director of the MLB Players Association followed an internal investigation which revealed that his “inappropriate” relationships involved not only his sister-in-law but also team mascots Phoebe Phanatic (the mother of Philadelphia’s Phillie Phanatic), Mrs. Met, (wife of New York’s Mr. Met), and Cincinnati’s Rosie Red. ThereContinue reading “Clark: All about character(s)”

By BRUCE LOWITT A second aircraft carrier, the USS Gerald R. Ford, has been ordered to the Middle East by President Donald Trump despite warnings that the ship isn’t shipshape and, pretty soon, the crew might not be, either. Trump, whose naval expertise is limited to playing with toy boats in his bathtubs until heContinue reading “Shitshape”

By BRUCE LOWITT Sunday’s NBA All-Star Games program has been revised and the rest of the league’s season has been canceled after President Donald Trump issued an executive order banning what he called “excessively tall and not necessarily white migrants from remaining in our great country.” “If I had known that these men from shitholeContinue reading “A World Unwelcome”

By BRUCE LOWITT Melania, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’s $75-million blowjob of Donald Trump masquerading as a documentary, earned raves from the far-right media, with radio host Alex Jones calling it “the greatest American film since Birth of a Nation” and Breitbart News editor-in-chief Alex Marlow exclaiming, “It does for the First Lady what The JazzContinue reading ““Melania”: fabulous fellatio”

By BRUCE LOWITT The head of President Donald Trump’s federal advisory panel dealing with vaccines says parents should have the right to gamble that their offspring will suffer and even die from polio, measles, or other diseases.In a related story, the president bought FanDuel, renamed it TrumpDuel, and is offering a series of prop betsContinue reading “Taking shots at vaccines”

By BRUCE LOWITT After first wrecking the plans of foreign World Cup soccer fans by imposing extreme travel restrictions, President Trump announced Thursday he going a major step further by banning all but six of the teams themselves from competing in the United States. Further, Trump said, “If Mexico and Canada think they’re going toContinue reading “World Cup Soccer gets a kick in the balls”

By BRUCE LOWITT Partial transcript of a January 12, 2026, meeting at the White House involving President Donald Trump and select members of his cabinet and administration. The recording was provided by a source who insisted upon absolute anonymity because he’s not going to run for reelection to the Senate from Alabama, that he’s goingContinue reading “A Professional Agitator and proud of it”

By BRUCE LOWITT An ad hoc Venezuelan military unit arrested U.S. President Donald Trump, his wife, Melania, and at least six high-ranking officials Saturday in retaliation for what the Caracas government called the illegal kidnapping of President Nicolás Maduro and his wife. The force reportedly consisted of seven Venezuelan dock workers, bouncers at three CaracasContinue reading ““Trump’s Southern Exposure””

By BRUCE LOWITT Partial transcript of a meeting among members of the Trump Administration and select Congressional Republicans during a private party at Mar-a-Lago hosted by Deputy White House Chief of Staff, aspiring antisemite and confirmed xenophobe Stephen Miller, celebrating the 103rd anniversary of the Rosewood Massacre, when the Black town of Rosewood, Florida, wasContinue reading “War (huh, yeah), what is it good for? (Trump’s ego)”