Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT Ron DeSantis, kicking into overdrive his plan to win the White House in 2024, has established a long-term strategy to run against Donald Trump, starting with paying a former adult film actor to testify that he had sex with the former president. “If Trump slept with porn actresses, Playboy bunnies and beautyContinue reading “DeSantis: If you thought sleeping around was bad, try this on for size”

By BRUCE LOWITT After exchanging smiles and handshakes with Phil Mickelson during final practice for the Masters, five-time champion Tiger Woods kneecapped the LIV Tour star with a nine iron and shouted, “No rebel who cut ties with the PGA has the right to tarnish the grounds of Augusta National.”Woods then pulled the LIV-logo capContinue reading “PGA: LIV and Let Die”

By BRUCE LOWITT Following Donald Trump’s indictment for having paid hush money to a former unknown stripper-turned-former unknown performer in pornographic films, the former president has sued to have his trial moved to Hard Rock Stadium in Miami “because I can’t get a fair trial in New York.” “Besides,” he said, “this would accommodate myContinue reading “Trump: Movin’ on down?”

(An occasional feature) By BRUCE LOWITT MARCH 30 In 1822, Florida became a United States territory. In 1861 it seceded from the Union – but to the dismay of millions of future Americans it rejoined the United States seven years later. In the years since then, attempts to force re-secession have failed. Also, why aContinue reading “Today in Hystery”

By BRUCE LOWITT Transcript of the opening of the trial of Donald Trump, former president of the United States, on charges of paying hush money to former adult film star Stormy Daniels, the illegal removal of documents from the White House, violations of the Espionage Act, obstruction of justice, inciting an insurrection, attempts to overturnContinue reading “The trial of the century – any century”

By BRUCE LOWITT Tom Brady denies the rumor that he retired “because of some pussy,” saying he was misunderstood by a broadcaster who overheard a phone call by the future Hall of Fame quarterback. But the idea that he might come back for yet one more season has created mayhem in the NFL rumor mill.Continue reading “Brady won’t come back – but some other QBs might”

By BRUCE LOWITT Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has formally acknowledged that his unannounced but presumptive candidacy for president is modeled “from first step to last” on the successful rise of Viktor Orban, Hungary’s autocratic prime minister. “I have read Prime Minister Orban’s Roadmap to Power and I have found it quite engaging,” DeSantis said. “HisContinue reading “DeSantis: Freedom’s just another word”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Jets will give him an entire floor of his choice and a private elevator in New York’s One World Trade Center. The Saints will give him one quarter of the New Orleans French Quarter for his personal use. The Raiders will give him an ayahuasca franchise on the Las Vegas Strip.Continue reading “What’s next for Aaron Rodgers’ career – and colon?”

By BRUCE LOWITT After dramatically changing the face of Major League Baseball for the upcoming season, Commissioner Rob Manfred said he has “even more improvements in mind for 2024, which I think will either speed up or screw up the game even more, depending on your point of view.” By adding a pitch clock, increasingContinue reading “Want more offense? The MLB Commish has some big balls”

By BRUCE LOWITT Fox News, facing a $1.6-billion defamation lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems, responded to filings in Delaware Superior Court with a statement by Fox News President Jay Wallace stating, in its entirety, “So what?” Wallace, who said he was acting on orders of Fox Corporation CEO and executive chairman Lachlan Murdoch, thenContinue reading “Fox to Dominion: “Get lost!””