Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT Judge Aileen Cannon admitted she postponed Donald Trump’s clasified-documents trial indefinitely after a plea from conservative Federalist Society Chairman Leonard Leo while she was spanking him with a copy of National Review magazine.“Lenny – we’ve been very good friends for a long time – invited me to stop by his suite lastContinue reading “Cannon’s latest shot”

By BRUCE LOWITT Donald Trump, calling Todd Blanche, “a pussy, and I mean that negatively as opposed to pussy I like to grab,” said he wants to dump the lawyer representing him in his hush-money trial and replace him with Judge Juan Merchan.The former president said Blanche “should be attacking the witnesses more forcefully andContinue reading “Trump: A bad judge of judges”

By BRUCE LOWITT Quick Quiz: South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem … (a) has enhanced her chances of being named this year’s Republican vice presidential candidate with the publication of her forthcoming book: No Going Back. (b) has diminished her chances of being named this year’s Republican vice presidential candidate because of critical and often negativeContinue reading “Down … Heel … Blam!”

By BRUCE LOWITT Partial transcript, recorded by a U.S. Supreme Court clerk who provided it on condition of anonymity (okay, it was Crystal Clanton, Clarence Thomas’ law clerk), of a midnight meeting following Thursday’s hearing on former president Donald Trump’s immunity appeal: Chief Justice John Roberts: “… think we handled that pretty well, considering NeilContinue reading “Probably a bad outcome, hypothetically”

By BRUCE LOWITT The following are the questions that prospective New York jurors will be asked starting Monday in the first criminal trial against a former U.S. president. Each juror will be asked to answer the following 42 questions, with the following instructions: “Simply state the number of the question and answer each question, oneContinue reading “Do you solemnly swear…? So does he – a lot”

By BRUCE LOWITT Despite a vehement protest from GOP House Foreign Services Committee Chairman Michael McCaul, the Republican Party has formally changed its name to Единая с Россия.“We feel that ‘United With Russia’ more accurately describes our philosophy,” said Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Vladivostok, who authored the name-change proposal. “I mean, Единая Россия is PresidentContinue reading “What’s in a name? Don’t ask”

By BRUCE LOWITT Billionaire investor John Paulson admitted Monday he contributed all but $900,000 of the $50.5-million raised Saturday night at his Palm Beach, Florida, home for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.Of the remaining $900,000 from the event’s attendees, billionaire Russian oligarchs Yuri Kovalchuk, Gennady Timchenko and Alisher Usmanov gave $290,000 apiece while billionaire former GeorgiaContinue reading “Trump’s very little big-money crowd”

By BRUCE LOWITT After discovering that one of the three-point lines at Moda Center in Portland, Oregon, was improperly measured, the NCAA suspended the entire Women’s Basketball Tournament after more discrepancies were discovered, including the fact that the games played in Portland, Oregon, were supposed to be played in Portland, Maine. “Or possibly Portland, Arkansas;Continue reading “The Women’s Final, finally”

By BRUCE LOWITT The staff of THELOWITTLOWDOWN.COM is pleased to announce that it is launching a a phony social-media and religiously suspect website with the unabashed goal of suckering supporters of impeached and indicted former presidents into buying worthless nonexistent stock that will enable TheLowittLowdown company’s chairman, president, chief executive officer, chief operating officer andContinue reading “Buy high, sell low, drop dead”

By BRUCE LOWITT With the presidential race now down to two candidates (plus a variety of independent and third-party entries), the latest Quinnipiac University poll of nationwide registered voters shows President Joe Biden leading former president Donald Trump by one-tenth of one percentage point, 50.05 to 49.95. Among registered Democrats, Biden leads Trump 66 percentContinue reading “In polls, Trump gets poled”