‘Tags’ out. Marino’s back

By BRUCE LOWITT

The Miami Dolphins, desperate to stay in the NFL playoff hunt and taking a cue from the Indianapolis Colts, signed Dan Marino, their 64-year-old Hall of Fame quarterback, to their practice squad as a likely replacement for starter Tua Tagovailoa.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Dolphins interim general manager Champ Kelly said, “and we feel that Dan, despite having retired after the 1999 season, still has the arm to enable us to make it to the postseason.”

The Colts signed Philip Rivers, 44, out of football for nearly five years and, like Marino, a grandfather, to their practice squad after losing Daniel Jones for the season due to a torn Achilles.

Rivers is a semifinalist for the Class of 2026 Pro Football Hall of Fame, but if he is activated and appears in a Colts game he’d have to wait five years for Hall of Fame eligibility.

And Jim Porter, president of the Hall of Fame, said if Marino, elected in 2005, were to appear in a Dolphins game, “he’d be expelled from the Hall and have to wait until 2031 or thereafter to be eligible for reelection. I mean, those are the rules,” Porter added, “so tough shit if he doesn’t get in again after this almost-certain shitshow.”

Marino, who retired after the 1999 season following 17 years, all with Miami, returned to the Dolphins as a special advisor in 2014 and Tagovailoa says Marino has regularly attended Dolphins quarterback meetings to help him improve.

“Obviously he’s a crappy teacher,” Tagovailoa said. “Why else would I be near the bottom of the NFL quarterback rankings and tied for the most interceptions? I mean, maybe this was his plan all along. If that’s the case, fuck him.”

Dolphins owner Steve Ross said Marino was his second choice to replace Tagovailoa. He originally wanted Bob Griese, inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1990 after a 14-season career with Miami.

Griese, 80 and a two-time Super Bowl champion who quarterbacked the Dolphins to the NFL’s only perfect season in 1972, said he was no longer the scrambler he used to be and Miami needed more of a pocket passer with a rocket arm like Marino.

“Besides,”Griese added, “why would I want to get the shit knocked out of me even once, not to mention how often Tua gets concussions? If Marino wants to get his brain scrambled, more power to him.”

In New York, Jets owner Woody Johnson denied he had contacted 82-year-old Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath about coming out of retirement “because this horseshit team of mine is in the running for a top draft pick. But if we had just three more wins – y’know, with a shot at the playoffs – I’d have been on a plane to him with a contract in hand by now.”