Trump: ‘Screw Emma Lazarus’

By BRUCE LOWITT

The Trump administration, in its pursuit of a totally white-bread United States, is reducing the number of refugees admitted to the country to one thousand and will limit them to one hundred white South Africans and nine hundred Swedish bikini models.

Among the emigrating South Africans, at least half should be experts in the field of lynching and cross-burning, according to the new numbers published in a notice on the Federal Register.

The reduction from last year’s ceiling of 125,000 set by the Democratic administration of then-President Joe Biden is part of the Republican party’s desire to keep out any foreigners willing to work at jobs no Americans want to do. 

It’s a dramatic drop from previous admission standards, when the United States welcomed people of various skin colors, including black, brown, yellow and, since 2016, orange. “The more people who look like me, the better,” President Donald Trump said.

Also previously, many (if not most) people seeking admission to the United States were fleeing either from wars or persecution in their home countries. Now, based on surveys by Skedaddle Polling, the majority of refugees fleeing wars (as defined solely by Trump) or persecution and seeking asylum elsewhere are Americans fleeing to Canada.

Trump also announced new weight-to-height standards for entry into the United States “based on the calculations of my Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth. From now on, anyone 5-foot-6 can weigh no more than 170 pounds. A 5-foot-7 person is limited to 185 pounds, and it increases by 15 pounds per inch from there on.”

According to Hegseth’s incremental calculations, a 6-foot-3 person, which happens to be the president’s height, can weigh no more than 305 pounds. “My doctors, all of whom are the best, tell me I weigh a lot less than that,” Trump said, “and if the scales show more, they’re obviously rigged or were imported from Venezuela, which is why we need tariffs.”