Jordan & Bill: Movin’ On Out?

By BRUCE LOWITT

On the heels of the University of North Carolina’s 34-9 blowout loss Saturday to the University of Central Florida, Jordan Hudson, Tar Heels’ 24-year-old acting head coach and soon-to-be former girlfriend of Bill Belichick, has applied to the NCAA to enter the Transfer Portal in order to, as she put it, “hook up with a better looking, younger, and maybe even wealthier guy with a winning record.”

And the 73-year-old Belichick, who appears to have aged 10 years since agreeing in December to a five-year contract as UNC’s head coach, is indicating he’s looking to return to the National Football League “because you get the best of the best players there, not a roster like this mess I wound up with.”

Hudson said she was checking newspaper stories, websites, and court records and sending DMs “to see who might be out there and is interested in a hot former beauty pageant contestant who probably knows more about what college football player want – if you know what I mean – than half their coaching staffs.”

And while she said she was unlikely to pursue what she called “a normally married head coach,” Hudson hinted that she was intrigued by Utah’s Kyle Whittingham because “although he’s got a wife, he’s a Mormon and, well, I binge-watched The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives …”

She also said she might be interested in the “right” college athletic director or general manager because she conducted UNC’s football business before swapping roles with Belichick earlier this month.

Within hours of the Tar Heels’ loss to UCF, half their offensive and defensive lines and numerous other position players said they had applied for midseason waivers to enter the Transfer Portal, and redshirt sophomore quarterback Gio Lopez, knocked out of the game with a leg injury, was asking if he could “return tomorrow” to the University of South Alabama, where he started for the Jaguars in 2024 “and where I felt safe.”

Jennifer Henderson, Managing Director of NCAA Academic and Membership Affairs, said it was almost guaranteed the UNC players’ Transfer Portal waiver requests would be approved.

“Why should they be tied to Belichick, especially now that he’s restricting or banning NFL scouts from the Tar Heels’ practices?” Henderson wondered. “These players’ requests seem reasonable to me, given how Belichick’s entire head-coaching career has sucked except for the years he had Tom Brady.” With Brady, Belichick’s NFL record was 249-75; without him, 84-104.

According to a source on the UNC football coaching staff who spoke on condition of anonymity because he didn’t want his father to ground him, Belichick also has begun making phone calls or sending texts or e-mails to NFL team owners and general managers “asking for consideration if or when they decide to fire or demote their head coach because ‘that fucking Shula number’ is really starting to eat at him,” the source said.

The late Don Shula owns the NFL’s record for combined regular-season and postseason wins with 347 as a head coach with the Baltimore Colts and Miami Dolphins. Belichick is second with 333 with the Cleveland Browns and New England Patriots “and he’s really pissed that the Patriots cut him loose because he thinks he was within a season or two of setting the record,” another UNC assistant coach said anonymously. “Our family holiday dinners with him really suck these days.”