Vice in extremis: no defense

By BRUCE LOWITT

Vice President JD Vance lost his emergency appeal Monday to the U.S. Supreme Court following his surprise weekend firing by Donald Trump as the justices, by a 7-2 vote, agreed with the president’s claim that Vance exhibited “inefficiency, neglect of duty, and malfeasance in office.”

But the court also agreed, in an equivalent 7-2 vote, to hear Vance’s countersuit that Trump should vacate the presidency under the Constitution’s Twenty-fifth Amendment because “he displayed the same shit and more.”

Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito were the dissenting justices in both decisions. In a remarkable coincidence, they both received surprise last-minute invitations to Harlan Crow’s upcoming birthday bash in Macau.

Trump’s dismissal of Vance came on the heels of the president’s failed attempt to fire the head of a federal watchdog agency. U.S. District Judge Amy Berman Jackson in Washington said allowing it would give Trump “a constitutional license to bully officials in the executive branch – and, frankly, I can’t stand that fat prick.”

The president, who called Jackson “a hot babe for a 70-year-old – I’d like to see what’s under that robe – but still a tramp on the bench” in his filing, said bullying was his constitutional right as president and the main reason he won the 2024 election.

“If I can’t throw my weight around, what the hell’s the point of being chief executive … or borderline obese?” Trump exclaimed. “Next you’re going to throw out my executive orders, or tell me I have to fire my co-president?”

Vance disputed Trump’s claims against him, said he was “never inefficient and never neglected my duty. Whenever the president wanted Big Macs or chicken nuggets or filet-o-fish sandwiches and a Diet Coke or three or more, I brought it to him in a heartbeat ’cause he said that was my job.”

“And if he calls bringing him a couple of cans of Pepsi ’cause Wawa ran out of Diet Coke ‘malfeasance,’ I’d like to see how he’d really do at a McDonald’s instead of that phony act he put on in October in that drive-thru in Pennsylvania,” Vance added.”

In his countersuit, the vice president listed among his claims against the president:

*Forgetting the names, titles, and countries of foreign dignitaries visiting the White House,

*Inability to read classified documents without accompanying cartoon illustrations,

*Leaving the Oval Office a filthy mess after every lunch, and,

*Not paying the going rate to babysit Eric.