It’s officially Mr. Rodgers’ neighborhood now

By BRUCE LOWITT

Aaron Rodgers fired New York Jets owner Woody Johnson on Thursday, taking control of the pathetic franchise which hasn’t made the postseason since 2010, the longest playoff drought of any team not just in the NFL but in the NBA, NHL, Major League Baseball, Major League Soccer, and pretty much every Little League in the country as well.

“When I was traded here by the Green Bay Packers before last season I told David (Dunn, his agent) to make sure I had total control of my life in New York,” Rodgers said, “and that included hiring and firing power with this team. That’s how my deal was structured. I can’t help it if Mr. Johnson and his bean-counters don’t know how to interpret the fine print in a contract.

“When he fired (general manager) Joe Douglas on Tuesday without my approval, that activated Paragraph Seventeen of Subsection Thirty-Two of Article Five of my contract, turning ownership of this team over to me. And my decision to take it over had absolutely nothing to do with Mr. Johnson suggesting that I should be benched.”

That reportedly occurred on Sept. 30, four games into the season, the day after the Jets lost 10-9 to the visiting Denver Broncos, just the fifth time in his 242-game NFL career that a team Rodgers was quarterbacking failed to score a touchdown.

“That’s when I really realized what a shit team I was quarterbacking,” said Rodgers, who turns 41 Dec. 3. “If I’m still around here next year, and that’s a big if, there’s going to be a lot of changes, starting with the bandages we use. Those Johnson & Johnson Band-Aids fall off every time I sweat.

“Just because Woody’s an heir to the company doesn’t mean we’re stuck on Band-Aids, if you know what I mean. Besides, everyone knows ayahuasca salve works better than any stupid Band-Aid.”

The Jets, idle this weekend during their bye week, are 3-8, tied with New England for fourth (last) place in the AFC East. Five NFL teams have worse won-lost records going into this weekend including the Jets’ MetLife Stadium co-tenants, the 2-8 New York Giants, “so there’s that, I suppose,” Rodgers said.