It’s Mr. Rodgers’ neighborhood after all

By BRUCE LOWITT

New York Jets owner Woody Johnson, who all but climaxed when he met Aaron Rodgers before the 2023 NFL Draft and decided to trade away a chunk of the team’s future for Green Bay’s 39-year-old quarterback, admits that he should have fired himself and some of his staff Tuesday instead of head coach Robert Saleh.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Johnson said just hours after ditching Saleh with the Jets’ record at 2-3. “He took over a shit team and then we drafted, sheesh, Zach Wilson, of all people, yet Robert still managed to get the team up to mediocre and had a shot at decency this year before I started listening to Rodgers and all his bitching.”

Johnson said he spoke Monday with Rodgers but that Saleh’s future didn’t come up in the conversation “although Aaron did mention ‘that useless load of hummus’,” apparently referring to Saleh, the son of Lebanese parents and the NFL’s first-ever Muslim head coach.

Rogers declined to comment on Saleh’s dismissal while enjoying what appeared to be a celebratory tankard of ayahuasca. “I would think I … um … that is … maybe Hacker … uh … Hackett was … uh … how am I … um … what was I saying?” Rodgers mumbled.

But when told that Johnson had elevated defensive coordinator Jeff Ulbrich to interim head coach instead of offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett, Rodgers’ offensive coordinator with the Packers during his 2020-2021 MVP seasons, Rodgers called ESPN to cancel his scheduled Tuesday appearance, then barfed on his cellphone and soiled his pants.

Johnson admitted he was “excited, I mean really excited,” when he met with Rodgers on March 7, 2023, along with Saleh, general manager Joe Douglas and Hackett. “I mean, Aaron dated Olivia Munn and Danica Patrick and Shailene Woodley. Yowza! Anyway … Where was I?

“Oh, yeah. Robert was pretty quiet; I think he didn’t want to say anything that might upset me. But Joe and especially Nate saw how I was fawning all over Aaron and said ‘go for it’ and I was ready to sign him right then. Boy, I was a real – what’s that word? Oh yeah. Schmuck.”

Rodgers, who has completed 61 percent of his passes with seven touchdown and four interceptions, is ranked 22^nd among NFL quarterbacks.

“I should’ve learned my lesson when took over the team in 2000 and and signed another 39-year-old Green Bay quarterback, Brett Favre, eight years later,” Johnson said. “One losing season with him. Maybe Aaron’ll give me two or three of those. I guess I’m just hot for over-the-hill washed-up future Hall-of-Famers.”