JD is AI

By BRUCE LOWITT

The Republican Party admitted Monday that it has been using AI in the presidential campaign and that JD Vance is actually a deep fake, that no such candidate exists, and that Donald Trump will name himself vice president as well if he wins next month’s election.

“We got away with it as long as we could, which is a lot longer than we thought we would,” co-campaign manager Chris LaCivita said. “We knew a Vance character – y’know, a pompous, self-righteous, lying prick – would be most attractive to the MAGA crowd.

“While there are plenty of potential running mates in the Senate, the House and among governors, none of them quite fit the bill. I suppose we could’ve picked someone like (Matt) Gaetz or (Marjorie Taylor) Greene, but their ‘insanity factor’ weighed against them,” LaCivita added, “so we decided to build our own model.”

The GOP got away with distributing the fake Vance for more than two months before critics of the campaign began studying videos and photographs of its vice presidential candidate and discovering inconsistencies that led to closer examination.

“Anyone with a decent magnifying glass checking the video and still images of him would spot the flaws in the texture of his beard, the cartoonish expressions when he tries to smile, the excessive eyeliner, and the fact that what he says doesn’t always match what’s coming out of his mouth,” said Atival Balwit, chief of staff at Anthropic, a San Francisco-based AI startup.

She said the “rallies” he headlined and other appearances he made were fake as well, revealing that they were recorded in Elon Musk’s xAI studio in California “with make-believe crowds of morons in make-believe arenas.”

“Compared with the moon-landing videos they made back in the nineteen-sixties and nineteen-seventies, creating a phony Vance was a piece of cake,” Balwit said. “And I’m told that when the guys got bored with the assignment, they decided to screw around and have a little fun. Remember the donut shop video? Hah! And there’s one they didn’t release – Vance and his couch. Hoo-boy!”

The former president and current felon angrily denied at a televised Mar-a-Lago news conference that he has no real running mate – but Balwit said later, “You think that was Trump? Check out his hair, his waistline. You think all that’s real? Wow, some people will believe anything.”