Trump’s latest favorite Storm(y)

By BRUCE LOWITT

Donald Trump, speaking in Georgia after criticizing Vice President Kamala Harris for not visiting storm-ravaged states, thanked God Monday for Hurricane Helene so he could tell voters how much he could do for them.

“If I was still running the country, none of this would have ever happened,” the former president-turned-felon said. “With my amazing Sharpie that I’ve used to explain where hurricanes go, I would have drawn a line through that shithole Haiti – you know how I hate those pet-eating Haitians – and sent Helene straight to Mexico and out to the Pacific Ocean.

“The storm wouldn’t have just bypassed us,” Trump added. “It’d have taken out the the Mexican drug cartels and the millions of fentanyl-smuggling migrants trying to cross into our country.”

While President Joe Biden remained in Washington, D.C. – “I’ve been told that it would be disruptive if I (visited hurricane-affected areas) right now” he told a White House news conference – and Harris received a briefing from FEMA, Trump ignored calls from rescue workers shouting, “Please get the fuck out of here so we can do our job!”

Biden said he spoke by phone with Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp and North Carolina Gov. Roy Cooper as well as officials in Florida, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Virginia, and Quebec.

“I told them, ‘The nation has your back. … I mean it – as long as it takes to finish this job,” Biden said. “We’ll provide life-saving equipment and water and food, especially poutine. I mean, you can’t beat those Quebecois french fries, cheese curds and gravy. If there’s one thing Canada has on us, it’s poutine. Mmmm.”

Trump, asked whom he had spoken to since his arrival in Georgia, replied, “I just got off the phone with Eric and Don (Jr.). They’re up in New York, launching my World Liberty Financial cryptocurrency.”

“And let me tell you,” Trump added, “if you need rescuing to, like, find a place to live or to rebuild your home or replace your furniture and clothing and stuff, let me tell you, there’s only one investment as good as World Liberty Financial, and that’s my Trump Media stock. If you buy them right now you’ll be as rich as me in no time.”

But did he have conversations with Georgia officials, he was asked, like Kemp and Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger and Insurance Commissioner John King and Public Service Commission chair Tricia Pridemore and Senators Jon Ossoff and Rafael Warnock?

“Fuck them,” Trump said. “I don’t talk to people I don’t like.”