Trump’s not-so-Swift response

By BRUCE LOWITT

Donald Trump’s aides, panicking over Taylor Swift’s endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris, have begun lining up “celebrities” to support the former president’s campaign, starting with David Caruso, Vanilla Ice, and Pamela Anderson.

“Yeah, well, we’ve been calling a lot of A-list people,” Corey Lewandowski, Trump’s campaign manager, said Saturday, “but since that shitstorm of a debate Tuesday night we’ve been pretty much shut out. So we’re grabbing whoever we can that need a bit of face time to, uh, try to show that they’re still relevant.”

According to Variety magazine, since expressing their support of Trump and encouraging people to go to the polls to support him, the three entertainers’ posts have driven seventy-nine people to the U.S. Voter-Registration Information site, compared with the nearly half-million who have flooded it since Swift’s endorsement of Harris.

“I’m glad I could …” Caruso, the retired former CSI Miami star and now co-owner of a Miami clothing store, said, putting on his sunglasses before finishing the sentence “… help out.”

Vanilla Ice offered to write a campaign jingle but when the former president heard “Deadly when I play a dope melody, anything less than the best is a felony …” in one of his songs, Trump said, “Wait. Felony? Uh-uh. Nope. I don’t need any reminders of that shit right now.”

According to Lewandowski, Trump sought support from Anderson, a Playboy magazine cover girl a record 14 times, because of her foundation supporting animal welfare, PETA, California wildlife and other causes “and not because of anything he said the other day about dogs or cats or anything else in Ohio – or how she used to look in a bikini.”

Lewandowski said the campaign “also has calls out – although we haven’t heard back yet – from Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, Rob Schneider, Lindsay Lohan, Scott Baio, Fergie, Mickey Roarke, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Andy Dick, Macaulay Culkin … I’m sorry. Do you mind if we cut this short? I have a headache you wouldn’t believe.”