Cannon: Out of order

By BRUCE LOWITT

Transcript of a recording reportedly made by Cecilia M. Altonaga, chief judge in the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida, while she sought in vain to persuade Judge Aileen M. Cannon to hand off to another jurist the classified documents trial of former President Donald J. Trump:

Judge Aileen M. Cannon: “What? Hello? Who is this?”

Judge Cecilia M. Altonaga: “Hello, Aileen? Can you hear …”

Cannon: “Hello? Hello?”

Altonaga: “Aileen, it’s me. Cece. I just …”

Cannon: “Freakin’ phones. Why the fu-…”

(Call disconnected)

(Boop-beep-beep-boop-boop-beep-beep-boop-beep-boop)

(Ringing)

Cannon: “Jesus Christ! What?”

Altonaga: “Whoa! Easy, girl. It’s Cece. Listen, don’t hang up.”

Cannon: “Sorry. I thought it was that bastard Jack Smith calling about another gag order or some shit.”

Altonaga: “No, hold on. It’s not about him. But I’ve got to tell you, a bunch of us have …”

Cannon: “A bunch of who?”

Altonaga: “Judges.”

Cannon: “What about them?”

Altonaga: “Well, we’ve been talking it over and …”

Cannon: “Talking what over?”

Altonaga: “Christ, will you just calm down?”

Cannon: “Why should I calm down? Do you read what everyone’s saying about me? Do you hear what they’re saying about me on television? On the cable news? I mean, even on Fox and those other people who are supposed to love me unconditionally for the way …”

Altonaga: “That’s what we’ve been talking about. That’s what I want to tell you.”

Cannon: “Okay. (Deep breathing) Fine. (Deep breathing) I’m (Sound of sipping) calm.”

Altonaga: “What are you drinking?”

Cannon: “Nothing.”

Altonaga: “Come on, Aileen.”

Cannon: “Poor old Johnny Ray.”

Altonaga: “Who’s Johnny Ray? Do you mean Johnny Walker?”

Cannon: “Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye-aye.”

Altonaga: “You know Kevin Rowland?”

Cannon: “And Kevin Archer, and …”

Altonaga: “Wow! Dexys Midnight Runners! I’m extremely impressed. So what are you drink- …”

Cannon: “Aguardiente.”

Altonaga: “Huh?”

Cannon: “Firewater. I just have a few glasses every once in a while when …”

Altonaga: “Are you sober now?”

Cannon: “Yes! Holy shit. What are you? My AA sponsor?”

Altonaga: “Aileen, easy. Look, we just think it might be a good idea if you, um, handed over the, um, Trump case to someone with a little more, um, y’know, actual judging experience.”

Cannon: “Experience, shmexperience. You do one trial, you do ’em all. I know everything there is to know about …”

Altonaga: “Listen, kid. First of all, your decision on the special master business that wasted three months was reversed …”

Cannon: “Well …

Altonaga: “And then your ruling calling for ‘competing scenarios’ in potential jury instructions that everybody …”

Cannon: “I thought that was pretty clever, don’t you?”

Altonaga: “And then allowing an argument that Jack Smith wasn’t even legally appointed as special counsel …”

Cannon: “Who says he was?”

Altonaga: “Oh, for … Aileen, you’ve made or delayed so many rulings that have screwed up Trump’s trial so badly that it won’t happen before the presidential election and maybe never.”

Cannon: “Right.”

Altonaga: “Wait, right?”

Cannon: “Look, Donald gave me this job and …”

Altonaga: “That’s the … Excuse me. Did you call him ‘Donald’ just now?”

Cannon: “Yeah. So what?”

Altonaga: “Well, that’s kind of the point. People think you’re too, um, close to him, that you’re, um, favoring him with your decisions.”

Cannon: “Like I said, so what?”

Altonaga: “Aileen, that’s not how things work. Just because he made you a judge, you can’t …”

Cannon: “And he’s kind of told me he’ll put me on the Supreme Court as soon as he’s president again and fires Clarence …”

Altonaga: “Fires? He can’t fire a Supreme …”

Cannon: “I mean make him an offer that he can’t refuse to retire. Like, y’know, unlimited use of Trump Force One and a newer, bigger motor home and unlimited vaca- …”

Altonaga: “No, no, no …”

Cannon: “And, y’know, Clarence just turned 76 and I’m 43 and Donald would love to add another one of us to …”

Altonaga: “Us?”

Cannon: “Federalists.”

Altonaga: “Aileen, what you’re thinking and doing is not only dumb but illegal in so many ways that …”

(Click)

Altonaga: “Hello? Hello? Aileen? Shit!”

(Recording ends)