Help me, Ronna. On second thought, don’t.

By BRUCE LOWITT

Former Republican National Committee chair and evanescent NBC News analyst Ronna Romney McDaniel was struck by lightning Wednesday, just minutes after Donald Trump had said he planned to make her his chief Bible salesperson.

McDaniel sustained only minor burns, mostly to her spine and ego, and issued a statement saying she had decided to reject the former president’s offer “because I know a warning when I see it – or in this case feel it.”

Trump, in a post on his Truth Social site, then said he “felt sorry for Ronna being thrown out of a job by that fake news network because no one except me is going to hire someone who will say anything just to get a job, but I never really considered adding her to my huge excellent and very experienced staff because she’s a Romney and everyone knows Romneys are LOSERS, which is why I had her thrown off the RNC and installed my VERY CAPABLE AND BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER-IN-LAW LARA as co-chair of the committee to make sure that EVERY PENNY donated to the RNC will be used to GUARANTEE that I’m returned to the PRESIDENCY which I won in 2020 but was cheated out of by a RIGGED ELECTION and my MILLIONS OF FOLLOWERS can help put me back in the White House by buying a copy of the BEAUTIFUL GOD BLESS THE USA BIBLE which is my FAVORITE BOOK WHICH I READ FROM EVERY DAY and also has the Constitution which I’m told is very important and also the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO ME for only $59.99 and using it to PRAY FOR ME because these days I’m busy defending myself from the WITCH HUNT trial against me that is nothing more than ELECTION INTERFERENCE that is keeping me from my usual routine of GOING TO CHURCH. Also, if you order one within the next 48 hours I will include a bottle of my VICTORY47 COLOGNE for half the $99 price and a coupon for 10% off the VICTORY47 CROSS OF GOLD to be released on July Fourth and which will have A VERY SPECIAL PERSON on it that I can’t mention now but will be a MOST VALUABLE REMINDER of who you should worship.”