Jack Smith to Trump: “ICYMI, LMAO”

By BRUCE LOWITT

Lacking an actual defense, former president Donald Trump’s legal team admitted Wednesday it is pursuing a policy of detours and roadblocks to fight the classified documents indictment against him “by demanding everything about everyone from everywhere,” according to Todd Blanche, one of his lawyers.

In the 68-page formal request to the office of special counsel Jack Smith, filed in U.S. District Court in Fort Pierce, Florida, Blanche said they are seeking anything ever written or said or thought by anyone at the Central Intelligence Agency, Defense Department, National Security Agency, State Department, National Reconnaissance Office and the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency.

Also, Blanche said, “We have to talk to everyone, and I mean everyone, at the FBI, HUD, EPA, NASA, ICE, ATF, CDC, NOAA, USDA, DHS, NHTSA, DOT, TSA, EEOC, DOE, VA, USPS, NTSB, USDA, FEMA, FHA, SEC, OSHA, BLM, NEA, and CENTCOM who has ever written or read about or spoken to or about President Trump. Further, there are a bunch of letters we haven’t figured out how to combine, like ‘X’ and ‘Z’, but we’re working on that.”

Chris Kise, another of Trump’s attorneys, said he believes they have good reason to think their goal “of pushing the proposed May trial date way past the November presidential election” will succeed because Trump-appointed District Court Judge Aileen Cannon “is running the show, and she’s repeatedly delayed proceedings for us.”

“Besides, Kise said, “I’ve seen her SAT and LSAT scores and her GPA, and I think she’ll be so bewildered by so many acronyms that she’ll just go along with us in a big way.”

Cannon, who faced fierce criticism by a federal appeals court in 2022 for an earlier ruling she made in the classified documents case, declined to comment on the latest filing by Trump’s lawyers except to say, “I think they should include PETA, the ASPCA and the 4H Club.”

Smith, whose beard briefly burst into flames when told of the Trump lawyers’ demands, said, “I’m sure Blanche and Kise and the rest of the former president’s mouthpieces had a lot of fun going through the alphabet, but they may want to reconsider this bullshit delaying tactic when they realize I can go after them with three letters of my own – IRS.”