Biden: More rigging than a three-masted schooner

By BRUCE LOWITT

President Joe Biden, saying he wants to “beat Donald Trump to the punch,” announced that if he loses the 2024 election it will be “because it was rigged, millions of Republicans voted illegally and there was massive fraud in the tabulating of ballots by crooked foreign-made voting machines.”

Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris began their re-election campaign in earnest by saying they would be spreading conspiracy theories about the discarding of Democratic votes by Republican-appointed vote-counters in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and a bunch of other swing states and that “Dominion (Voting Systems), which everyone knows is owned by Kim Jong Il, is a front for fascists and has direct ties to billionaires Harlan Crow and David Sokol as well as unprincipled justices like Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito.”

The Democrats’ plan was revealed after special counsel Jack Smith said he had evidence that Trump supporters tried to start a riot in Michigan to disrupt the counting of votes. “We thought we’d do the same thing,” Harris said. “Then we realized the only reason Democrats would riot would be over the price of avocado toast, so we shitcanned that idea.”

Jaime Harrison, chair of the Democratic National Committee, said he was prepared to file a lawsuit against CNN and MSNBC over the cable systems’ potential reporting that there will be no evidence of fraud in next year’s election.

“Further,” Harrison said, “we will be declaring victory several hours, maybe even several days, before the final vote tallies are in. We will point out that millions and millions of people voted for us and that a very sad group of people will be trying to disenfranchise our people.”

In an interview on OANN’s Tipping Point with Kara McKinney, Republican National Committee chair Ronna McDaniel said the GOP will be suing the Democratic Party for plagiarism, copyright infringement, tortious interference “and anything else we can think of.”

“Who the hell do they think they are? We worked long and hard to refine our brand as the anti-election party and there’s no freaking way we’re letting them use it – unless they pay us royalties,” McDaniel said. “Frankly, we could use the money.”