Santos just can’t stop running

By BRUCE LOWITT

Rep. George Santos, R-Fabulist, said he won’t be running for reelection next year because he plans to be a candidate for mayor of half a dozen towns on Long Island, to challenge incumbent New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-#MeToo, and to run for president of both the United States and Indonesia, where President Joko Widodo is stepping down after serving the maximum two terms.

The House Ethics Committee filed a resolution Friday to expel Santos from Congress one day after it released a report concluding the 35-year-old punchline and punching bag had violated numerous federal criminal laws, raised campaign contributions that he spent on expensive clothing and other personal uses, that he repeatedly jaywalked, and wore white after Labor Day.

Santos, who also goes by the names George Devolder, Anthony Devolder, Anthony Zabrovsky, Leonard Nimoy, Shirley Chisholm, Mahatma Gandhi, Chita Rivera, and American Pharoah, said he also plans a hostile takeover of Mike Lindell’s My Pillow bedding company and to fight the divorce being sought by “the love of my life, Zachary Quinto.”

The first-and-last-term congressman said he would be running to become mayor of Glen Cove, Manhasset, Great Neck, Mineola, Hicksville and Farmingdale “because I have hideouts in … I mean apartments in each of them. Sure, my name isn’t on the leases and I’ve never paid rent, but I’ve never seen a law that says I can’t run all those pissant burgs while I’m a senator and president.”

As for Indonesia, where he would be running against Anies Baswedan, Ganjar Pranowow and Prabowo Subianto, Santos said he’s a shoo-in to win the presidency “because who the hell can pronounce or even spell their names? Besides, I’ve read that most of those people feel angry and hopeless and can’t even speak English. And, little-known fact: I’m Indonesian-ish.”