The Sound of Silence? No way.

By BRUCE LOWITT

Transcript of the closed court hearing during which U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan reimposed a gag order on Donald Trump after the former president made public statements attacking individuals who have faced threats and harassment that could be interpreted as attempts to influence or prevent witnesses’ participation in the federal election interference case against him.

Judge Tanya Chutkan: “Order in the court. Order …”

Donald Trump: “I’ll have two Big Macs, a large fries and a Diet Coke.”

Chutkan: “Excuse me?”

Trump: “No, make that two large fries, and don’t forget the ketchup. Lots of ketchup.”

Chutkan: “Mister Trump, what are you …?”

Trump: “Hey, did you hear the results of Eric’s IQ test came back? They were negative.”

Chutkan: “Mister Trump, have you …?”

Trump: “Wait. Did you hear about the Kentucky cow that ate bluegrass? It mooed indigo.”

Chutkan: “That’s enough! I don’t know what you’re up to, but …”

Trump: “Didn’t you say you were issuing a gag order?”

Chutkan: “Yes, and …”

Trump: “Well, these are some of my best gags.”

Chutkan: “I don’t think you under- …”

Trump: “Ooh, hey, where did Noah keep his bees? In the arkhive. Get it? Ark? Hive?”

Chutkan (slamming her gavel): “Be quiet, Mr. Trump. I’m serious.”

Trump: “You mean like the world serious? I’ll take the Arizona Diamondbacks in six games. Oh, wait. Shit. Arizona went Democratic in 2020 and I won Texas. Yeah. Fuck the snakes. The Rangers in seven.”

Chutkan: “That’s enough! My gag order is to keep you from making or publishing statements about members of the court and witnesses against you that can be considered threatening and could cause them to fear harm or worse from your followers.”

Trump: “I have never said anything about anybody that could be …”

Chutkan: “When it was reported that your chief of staff, Mark Meadows, received immunity to testify before a grand jury, did you write on Truth So-… Ha-ha-ha. Oh, sorry for laughing. I love irony. … Truth Social that, and I quote, ‘Some people would make that deal, but they are weaklings and cowards,’ unquote, and that, quote, ‘I don’t think that Mark Meadows is one of them but who really knows?’ unquote? You were singling out a witness suggesting any unfavorable testimony would be a lie and your statement could be interpreted as attempting to influence his testimony.”

Trump: “Not really. I mean, when I wrote that, I left out that I should have fired his ass because even though he had the second most powerful job in Washington, next to mine, he never found those eleven thousand votes I needed in Georgia and refused to drive me to the Capitol to help me lead the, uh, peaceful rally and I hope the Proud Boys remember that.”

Chutkan: “Mister Trump, don’t you …”

Trump: “Call me Mister President. Or you can call me anything else so long as you don’t call me late for dinner. Ha-ha.”

Chutkan: “Did you make fun of President Biden for making mistakes about cities he was in? And then didn’t you say you were in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, when you were in Sioux City, Iowa?”

Trump: “I was in Sioux Falls. Everyone else was in the wrong place.”

Chutkan: “Well, you can still talk about the president …”

Trump: “I’m the president.”

Chutkan: “You can still talk about President Biden and his campaign. Now, is there anything else you’d like to say regarding my limiting your public statements?”

Trump: “Yeah. Barr’s a huge tub of lard. So’s Christie. So …”

Chutkan: “Chris Christie is not scheduled to testify.”

Trump: “I know. But he’s still a huge tub of lard, I just love saying that. And Ellis? Even though she’s a rat I’d still like to jump on her bones. But not Powell. Have you ever smelled her? I don’t even know what that stink is. Sheesh! And …”

Chutkan: “That’s enough, Mister Trump. The Gag order is reinstated.”

Trump: “In that case, one more thing.”

Chutkan: “What’s that, Mister Trump?”

Trump: “Knock, knock.”