Now it’s Payton’s place: In the toilet again?

By BRUCE LOWITT

Seething after what he said was a “forced apology” ordered by Condoleezza Rice, a part-owner of the Denver Broncos, head coach Sean Payton said he expects quarterback Russell Wilson “to beat last season’s touchdown-to-bathroom total by midseason – and he’d better, considering all the shit I’ve said.”

Wilson, a nine-time Pro Bowl quarterback with the Seattle Seahawks, was traded last year to the Broncos, with whom he underperformed dramatically. Before the season, he and Ciara, his wife-singer-songwriter-actress-model and former Future spouse (and potentially Wilson’s future former spouse), bought a $25-million mansion in suburban Denver. It’s 20,060 square feet with a nine-car garage, theater, basketball court, four bedrooms – and a whopping twelve bathrooms.

That last number became a season-long gag for Broncos fans as Wilson struggled game after game. They kept a running count on how many touchdowns he had thrown and whether he would throw more TDs than he had bathrooms. He finally did it, getting his 13^th against Kansas City in his 14^th game. He finished with 16 in 15 games – but that didn’t keep the Broncos’ season from going down the toilet.

Payton, the Super Bowl-winning former coach of the New Orleans Saints who left Fox Sports after one year as an analyst on Fox NFL Kickoff, blasted his predecessor in Denver, Nathaniel Hackett, now the New York Jets’ offensive coordinator, for doing “what might have been one of the worst coaching jobs in the history of the NFL,” when the 2022 Broncos went 5-12. Hackett was fired from his first-ever head-coaching job with two games remaining.

Rice, national security advisor and then secretary of state under President George W. Bush, said Payton’s comment “was totally uncalled for – although I have to say even I probably could’ve squeezed a few more wins out of our team than Nate did.”

“But I’ll admit that if I’d been working for a certain former president who hates losers when I bought into the Broncos, Hackett would’ve been out on his ass in a lot less than a year,” Rice said. “Which reminds me, I’m still investigating why Sean left Fox after just a year over rumors that he hoped co-host Colin Cowherd would somehow be injured.”

Payton said that from what he’s seen of Wilson in training camp so far, “I don’t think he’s as washed up as most of the fans think, regardless of the booing I heard during practice when he was missing his targets and throwing easy interceptions.

“It ‘s probably just the jitters that any 34-year-old 11-year veteran desperately trying to justify a five-year, $245-million contract extension would feel,”Payton added. “I’m sure he understands that if I have to rely on one of our backup QBs … what the hell are their names again? – Oh, yeah, Jarrett Stidham or Ben DuNucci … to get us into the playoffs, Wilson’s going to need a bit more security around that house of his.”

Payton also said he “would be surprised” if Hackett stays healthy through one-third of the 2023 NFL season. In what sounded like a reprise of “Bountygate” when he was suspended for the Saints’ entire 2012 season, he is rumored to have offered an unspecified reward to anyone who will “take out” Hackett when the Jets, with future Hall of Fame quarterback Aaron Rodgers, visit Denver Oct. 8, the fifth game of the season.

“Oh, no,” Payton said. “I meant our guys should take him to one of our city’s great steakhouses. But it sure would be a shame if something were to happen to him. Or Rodgers.”