Who is Russ Brandon?* If you know, you’ve already passed this test

By BRUCE LOWITT

1. These are real sports. One of them is conducting its championship on Saturday. Which sport is it?
(a) Fistball
(b) Floorball
(c) Foosball
(d) Football
(e) Fuzzball
(f) One of the above

2. Which of these is an active league?
(a) AFL
(b) CIO
(c) XAT
(d) PBS
(e) STD
(f) None of the above

3. Which of these is an actual league and not a stock market symbol?
(a) XEL
(b) XLO
(c) XYL
(c) XFL
(e) XRX
(f) Don’t put your money in one of the above

4. What does XFL represent?
(a) A secret football league
(b) The stock market symbol for Hydroxychloroquine
(c) Chanel’s new exfoliating gel
(d) The nickname King Arthur gave to Excalibur
(e) The mark on a Florida map showing where Gov. Ron DeSantis buries his banned books
(f) One of the above and we wouldn’t be surprised it it’s (e)

5. Which of these teams is not real?
(a) Hartford Yard Goats
(b) Carolina Disco Turkeys
(c) Amarillo Sod Poodles
(d) Burlington Sock Puppets
(e) Las Vegas Athletics
(f) One of the above – for the time being

6. How many XFL franchises played this year?
(a) Six
(b) Eight
(c) Ten
(d) Twelve
(e) Why?
(f) Okay, this one’s a gimme. It’s (e)

7. Who is the Commissioner of the XFL?
(a) Jack Johnson
(b) Andrew Johnson
(c) Duane Johnson
(d) Van Johnson
(e) Randy Johnson
(f) One of the above – if he’s being honest

8. Which of these former NFL players did not play in the XFL this year?
(a) Deondre Francois
(b) Quinten Dormady
(c) Diego Fagot
(d) Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.
(e) Sterkling Hofrichter
(f) If you can’t answer this one, stick to baseball

9. Which of these teams is not in the XFL?
(a) Tampa Bay Thrillers
(b) Tampa Bay Bandits
(c) Tampa Bay Windjammers
(d) Tampa Bay Tritons
(e) Tampa Bay Outlaws
(f) None of the above – yet

10. Which two teams are playing Saturday for a championship?
(a) Roughnecks and Battlehawks
(b) Vipers and Brahmas
(c) Guardians and Sea Dragons
(d) Renegades and Defenders
(e) Cowboys and Ind-… Native Americans
(f) One of the above

11. Which community does the Arlington Renegades franchise represent?
(a) Arlington, Arizona
(b) Arlington, Georgia
(c) Arlington, Texas
(d) Arlington, Colorado
(e) Arlington National Cemetery
(f) Even the people who live there don’t know this

12. What is the name of the trophy that will be awarded to the winner of Saturday’s XFL championship game?
(a) The Xince Lombardi Trophy
(b) The Xander Bogaerts Trophy
(c) The Xavier Cugat Trophy
(d) Nobody knows
(e) Nobody cares
(f) Obviously it’s both (d) and (e). … Wait. You do? Really?

*Bonus answer: Since Nov. 8, 2021, Russ Brandon has been president of the … uh … um … oh, yeah. The XFL.