DeSantis: If you thought sleeping around was bad, try this on for size

By BRUCE LOWITT

Ron DeSantis, kicking into overdrive his plan to win the White House in 2024, has established a long-term strategy to run against Donald Trump, starting with paying a former adult film actor to testify that he had sex with the former president.

“If Trump slept with porn actresses, Playboy bunnies and beauty contest models and paid them hush money – which didn’t exactly hush them – and lied about it and still got elected, maybe finding out he got cornholed by Dirk Diggler will turn off his base,” said Jeff Roe, expected to run the Florida governor’s campaign.

“In fact,” Roe added, “I don’t know why we should just limit it to one, seeing as Trump had more affairs than Leonard’s of Great Neck. I’m sure there are some young stud heirs to the careers of Billy Glide, Max Hardcore and Johnny Rahm who’d love to be recognized for having enjoyed ‘meeting’ him, if you know what I mean.”

Roe, who ran the failed 2016 presidential campaign of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Cancun), has signed on as an advisor to Never Back Down, a Republican Super PAC with reported links to DeSantis.

But Roe said he would avoid promoting DeSantis’ agenda and limit his efforts to convincing GOP voters “that the indicted former occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue can’t be trusted if he’s in someone’s bed and not in custody.”

“I’m not going near Disney,” Roe said of the governor’s increaingly heated battle with the Orlando-area theme park.

With Disney World having established a 30-year development deal just before the state grabbed control of its special tax district, DeSantis has threatened to add new taxes to its hotels and slap tolls on nearby roads.

“Disney is not superior to the people of Florida,” DeSantis said. “I am.”

Ken Cuccinelli, previously Trump’s deputy secretary of Homeland Security and now chairman of Never Back Down, said he would be studying what he called “the governor’s desire to become the nation’s first authoritarian president” before deciding whether to sign on to the campaign.

“Look,” Cuccinelli said, “I’m as opposed as the next guy to racial equality and voting rights and a free press, and the right to assembly and teaching history that makes people uncomfortable, and same-sex marriage and any forms of homosexuality and lesbianism and transgenderism or whatever the hell it’s called, and I like DeSantis’ idea of criminalizing protests, raising it to a felony, and preventing reporters from asking him questions about anything, and I don’t buy the idea of climate change or critical race theory and all that other liberal crap – but holy shit!

“I think maybe DeSantis is going too far, expressing some of his ideas out loud, where people can actually hear them and realize what’s going on in that mind of his,” Cuccinelli said, “and my job might be to tone him down just enough to make him, y’know, palatable to people who see him as the reincarnation of, um, Benito Mussolini.”