The Super Bowl Pregame Show Gets FOXed Up

By BRUCE LOWITT

FOX NFL Sunday routinely beats the competition in the leadup to National Football League telecasts with host Curt Menefee and panelists Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long, Jimmy Johnson and Michael Strahan. But that wasn’t good enough for Mark Silverman, president and chief operating officer of FOX Sports.

In order to attract what he called “a more diverse sports audience, beyond just football fans, to our Super Bowl pregame show,” Silverman ordered the network to expand the usual five-member cast to more than a dozen analysts discussing Sunday’s matchup between the Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs.

“We tried to fit everyone into the State Farm Stadium end zone but it wasn’t big enough so the pregame show will be at midfield,” Menefee said. “We did a runthrough Friday during a Chiefs practice to see how everybody’d do with so many people offering their thoughts. Except for Travis Kelce slamming into the set during the rehearsal, everything went great.”

Portions of the videotaped rehearsal

Terry Bradshaw: “Welome back, GOAT. Guess you’re forgiven for ripping Shanahan when …”
Tom Brady: “Yeah, I kinda got carried away with the play-calling during the NFC Championship game, but …”

Howie Long: “What’s with the pads, Tom?”

Tom Brady: “Just in case Mahomes gets hurt again, I …”

Dick Vitale: “Mahomes. He’s awesome, baby! He’s a PTPer! He’s a Diaper Dandy! He’s …”

Curt Menefee: “He’s not a rookie, Dickie. Now …”

Dick Vitale: “He’s a Surf and Turfer, baby! He’s …”

Curt Menefee: “Thank you, Dickie. Now, Tara, what do the Eagles have to do to outscore K.C.?”

Tara Lipinski: “If they can isolate DeVonta Smith against man coverage and he can nail a Triple Salchow and a Quadruple Lutz, they’re a lock to …”

Bob Costas: “I think we’re getting a bit off the …”

Jeff Gordon: “That’s right, Bob. Drafting behind the guy in front of …”

Max Kellerman: “If K.C. can stay out of the clinches and keep using an uppercut to …”

John Smoltz: “Mahomes needs to start with the heater and come back with a slider …”

Mike Breen: “Hurts should launch it from way downtown. They won’t be expecting …”

George Santos: “When I was quarterbacking the New York Jets to four Super Bowl wins, I …”

Jimmy Johnson: “Look out!”

(Sound of bodies colliding, tables collapsing)

(Recording suspended)

(Recording resumes)

Michael Strahan: “… won’t be making up anything more about himself, but Kelce’s fine.”

Andres Cantor: “And that flop by Santos is the best I’ve seen since Neymar in the World Cup.”

Mike Emrick: “If the Eagles can get a breakaway after a cross-ice pass …”

Jeff Fisher: “Doc, this is football we’re talking and when it comes to football I know exactly …”

Rachel Maddow: “Exactly what, Jeff? You’ve lost more than Giuliani. Why would anyone listen to …”

Tucker Carlson: “Listen to what, Rachel? Your lies about Kari Lake losing the …”

Herschel Walker: “Speaking of lying, when I was elected to the Senate …”

Howie Long: “Come on, people. Let’s just calm down and get back on track.”

Allyson Felix: “Track. Now you’re talking. If Isiah Pacheco can run …”

Tom Brady: “Screw the run. Reid has to call Green Right X, Shift to Viper Right, 382 X Stick Looky … No, wait. Make that Scatter to West Right, Tight F Left, 372 Y Stick Z Spot …”

(Voice from control room: “Will someone tell Brady to shut the f-”)

(Recording ends)