DeSantis: Freedom matters, yes or no

By BRUCE LOWITT

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, ramping up his still-unannounced 2024 presidential campaign, claimed Tuesday: “What matters most to me is freedom. I’m for it or against it, depending on what it is.”

When asked for examples, the self-proclaimed narcissistic Republican bully explained, “I’m for everyone’s freedom to carry a firearm in my state, open or concealed, handguns or machine guns, regardless of whether they have a permit for it or even know how to use it.”

“On the other hand,” he continued, “I’m against the freedom for anyone to learn American history that could even slightly offend someone else who might not know anything about it.”

DeSantis, up for re-election this year, recently signed on to become an unpaid consultant developing FOX broadcaster Tucker Carlson’s Ministry for Public Enlightenment and Propaganda.

“I can’t think of anyone more qualified, except for myself, than FOX’s hauptbefehlsleiter – excuse me, I meant commentator – to tell the nation what’s right and what’s not,” DeSantis said. “And there’s a lot of whatnot.”

When the governor signed a bill declaring Nov. 7 to be Victims of Communism Day, a state holiday requiring special instruction in schools to “tell the truth about communism,” Walt Disney World announced the opening of a Victims of DeSantis exhibit, including It’s A Small Mind, a ride taking visitors on a twisted journey through his Anti-Disney, Anti-LGBTQ, Anti-Riot, Anti-Mask, Anti-Vaccine and Anti-Critical Race theories.

He said Critical Race Theory is a scam dreamed up by opponents of NASCAR and should not be taught in schools because most students are too young to drive.

When advised that CRT refers to the actual existence of perpetuated racial inequality, the governor snorted, “Tell me about it. Have you been watching the NBA playoffs?”

He also said the idea of teachers “exposing children to discussions about sex or gender – and aren’t they the same thing, anyway? – is abhorrent to me.”

“It’s the children’s parents who should be free to explain where babies come from and the difference between a pee-pee and a woo-woo. And why girls who want to be boys or the other way around is just plain stupid. I mean, you won’t catch me wearing a dress, except maybe for that fraternity initiation at Yale.”

He said Florida is completely justified in banning public school math books “because of words and symbols that clearly promote a gay agenda, words like ‘binary’ and ‘transitional’ and ‘drag’ as well as the plus sign in LQBZ%&$+ or whatever the hell those letters are. What the leftist gay community is trying to do is insidrious.”

DeSantis insisted that the mental and physical health of Florida’s women and children is his primary concern.

“Thousands of women die each year due to abortions,” he said, making up a certifiably false number, “which is why when Roe v. Wade is thrown out by the Supreme Court I’m going to propose a bill that prohibits abortions a day before conception. Women should be free of such invasive medical procedures and the overwhelming percentage of men in the state legislature should be free to be as invasive as they want when it comes to women’s bodies.”