Chiefs: We lost to the Dems, not the Bucs

The Kansas City Chiefs have filed suit against the National Football League, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their quarterback, Tom Brady, and Raymond James Stadium to overturn the result of Super Bowl LV.

“The game was rigged. It was a Democratic scheme,” said David Schoen, lead attorney for the Chiefs, taking a break from preparing to defend former President Donald Trump in the Senate’s upcoming insurrection trial.

“Did you hear what (President Joseph) Biden said about Brady before the game?” Schoen said. “He said, and I quote, ‘Obviously Brady’s a great quarterback.’ The head of the government says something like that and it changes the odds, right?”

Schoen also claimed that Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen “bet the budget on the Bucs at Biden’s direction,” that because Republicans in the Senate wouldn’t support his $1.9-trillion American Rescue Plan “he decided to get bookies to pay for it.”

Chiefs head coach Andy Reid said the 31-9 final score was a “rush to judgment, the 89 rushing yards by (Tampa Bay’s) Leonard Fournette notwithstanding. I mean, Patrick (Mahomes, Kansas City’s quarterback) ran for 497 yards. That’s what NextGen Stats says. How could we not have won?”

(From the Fact Check Desk: the 497 yards came as Mahomes ran from sideline to sideline or backwards before he was sacked or threw the ball.)

And Clark Hunt, chairman and CEO of the Chiefs, said “no less an authority than Mahomes’ mother tweeted afterward to Brady’s wife, Gisele Bundchen, that ‘If you have the ref on your team is that really winning!!!’ Do you need more proof than that?”

Hunt also insisted that the NFL’s game officials were “either socialists or Bucs fans” using as evidence the 11 penalties for 120 yards (vs. four for 39 against Tampa Bay) which he said swung the outcome.

Schoen said he also has stadium scoreboard and video equipment to back up claims that penalties against the Chiefs shouldn’t have been called and that officials missed a “plethora” of them committed by Tampa Bay.

Brady, Bucs officials and the NFL declined comment, but tight end Rob Gronkowski, who caught two of Brady’s touchdown passes, said Schoen “should, to use a football expression, take a knee – preferably to the groin.”