Trump decides to run … away

As the inauguration ceremonies of President Joseph R. Biden drew to a close, Vice President Kamala Harris sidled up to her predecessor.

“Have you heard from Trump?” she asked Mike Pence.

“Who?”

“Donald.”

“Who?”

“Oh, I get it,” Harris said, and she and Pence laughed at the thought that the former president of the United States was now just an old fat guy wondering who’d be bringing him his next Diet Coke.

In fact, Trump was on the lam.

At 11:49 a.m. Wednesday in Washington, D.C., as Biden concluded taking the oath of office, the engines of Air Force One, headed toward Florida, began to shut down. At 12:01 p.m., with Trump no longer president, the plane made an emergency landing at Cherokee County Airport in Ball Ground, Ga.

Trump, sons Donald Jr. and Eric, daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner took off at a dead run, apparently heading for the Appalachian Trail, pursued by Georgia State Patrol officers who had been called by the U.S. attorney’s office at the Southern District of New York regarding subpoenas.

Meanwhile, the recipients of the former president’s last-minute clemency were celebrating their good fortune. They included 93 former financial felons (estimated net worth $17.3-billion) listed as “Patriot Party Founders,” and 45 previously unidentified Russian oligarchs now corporately known as Трамп Москва Недвижимость (“Trump Moscow Real Estate”).

At Mar-a-Lago, Dan Scavino, Trump’s former social media director and White House deputy chief of staff for communications, issued his first report on fund-raising efforts for the proposed $2-billion presidential library.

“Initially we had commitments for $52-million,” Scavino said, “but $34-million of the checks bounced, $11-million was cash that turned out to be Iranian rials, Vietnamese dongs, Colombian pesos and a bunch of other worthless crap, and a few million bucks of play money.

“At this rate,” Scavino added, “we’ll be lucky to put up a room to display Trump’s TV Guides, fast-food menus and a copy of the New York Post edition that endorsed his re-election.”