Winning by losing; Trump’s own ATM

President Donald J. Trump, his children, personal attorney Rudolph W. Giuliani and campaign lawyer Jesse R. Binnall today celebrated the president’s latest court defeats in his seemingly futile attempt to overturn his loss to apparent President-Elect Joe Biden with a fast-food party in the White House.

“Even one major win in court could screw up this whole thing,” the presumed soon-to-be-former president exclaimed, according to a senior administration official who spoke on the condition of anonymity while gnawing on a McRib sandwich. “One reversal could turn things around and close the spigot.”

Trump, who began claiming even before November that the election would be “rigged” by the Democrats and since then has repeatedly insisted it was “stolen,” has so far raised more than $200-million from his slavish followers who believe they are contributing to his current campaign to throw out this year’s election results or toward a 2024 presidential run.

Despite the president’s rhetoric, the majority of donations go not to funding litigation but instead to Save America, his new political action committee, which critics have called a “slush fund” for his personal use.

“He doesn’t want to be president again, he didn’t want to be president in 2016 and he damn sure doesn’t want to be president four years from now,” Giuliani was quoted as saying, according to another administration source. “He ran four years ago as a way to promote his name and businesses and never expected to win. And since the election last month he’s been just shoveling in the money. If people are told the president actually won again, those donations are going to dry up faster than that tanning stuff he smears on every morning.”