Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT In a stunning announcement, President Joe Biden said he will not run for reelection in 2024 but has decided instead to run once again for vice president, the office he held for eight years under Barack Obama. “When I ran for president in 2020, I did so to restore the soul ofContinue reading “Biden decides being Vice is nicer”

By BRUCE LOWITT Tucker Carlson apparently has asked favors of Vladimir Putin, Anthony Fauci and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez among others as well as Hunter Biden, according to e-mails reportedly recovered from Carlson’s computer at FOX News. The alleged e-mails revealed that most of the requests by the host of Tucker Carlson Tonight, FOX’s prime-time cauldron ofContinue reading “Tucker Carlson: “I would like you to do me a favor …””

By BRUCE LOWITT Phil Mickelson, the defending (but not actually defending) champion of the PGA Championship, sneaked onto the Southern Hills Country Club for the first round Thursday before being arrested by Tulsa, Okla., police and charged with trespassing. Mickelson is an outcast on the PGA Tour since accusing it of “obnoxious greed” and callingContinue reading “Mickelson: from Lefty to left out”

By BRUCE LOWITT Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, ramping up his still-unannounced 2024 presidential campaign, claimed Tuesday: “What matters most to me is freedom. I’m for it or against it, depending on what it is.” When asked for examples, the self-proclaimed narcissistic Republican bully explained, “I’m for everyone’s freedom to carry a firearm in my state,Continue reading “DeSantis: Freedom matters, yes or no”

By BRUCE LOWITT In addition to its recently revealed initial draft majority opinion striking down Roe v. Wade, the United States Supreme Court appears to be planning to overturn numerous other long-standing opinions on race, sex and privacy as well as anything else it doesn’t like. “When I wrote that ‘It is time to heedContinue reading “SCOTUS: We’ve only just begun”

By BRUCE LOWITT Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady, who said Feb. 1 that he was finished playing but changed his mind on March 13, has now retired and unretired more than half a dozen times in one day. “I know I’m probably driving Jason (Licht, the Bucs’ general manager) nuts,” Brady said Monday night,Continue reading “Tom Brady: yes, no, maybe …”

Thank you for calling the United States Government. Your call is important to us. Well, okay, not really. But we have to say that although, frankly, we couldn’t care less about what you think unless you are willing to share your thoughts along with a few thousand dollars. Your call may be monitored and/or recordedContinue reading “Thank You and also F#%k You”

Tiger Woods, in the most remarkable and highly questionable comeback ever in professional golf, won his sixth career Masters Tournament, tying Jack Nicklaus’ record, as one challenger after another disappeared off the leaderboard. Woods, who survived a Feb. 23, 2021, one-car crash near Los Angeles, said he was “thankful that I was able to withstandContinue reading “Tiger swears he was lucky to win his sixth Masters”

The latest incarnation of the United States Football League debuts next month and USFL Executive Vice President Daryl Johnson predicts it “has a chance to succeed if we can keep Orangeman’s tiny hands off us or don’t screw it up ourselves.” Johnson, a fullback with the National Football League’s Dallas Cowboys from 1989-99 and aContinue reading “The new USFL: Useful or Useless?”

Ketanji Brown Jackson, facing strong and sometimes blatantly noxious questioning by Republican senators at her Supreme Court nomination hearings, thanked her antagonists for their occasional pursuit of truth “and a most entertaining dog-and-pony show.” “I have watched previous hearings as senators have questioned nominees,” a smiling Jackson told GOP senators, “and most often they haveContinue reading “KBJ vs. GOP: We have a winner”