Author Archives: lowittlowdown

By BRUCE LOWITT The Georgia judge overseeing the trial of Donald Trump’s attempt to overturn the result of the 2020 presidential election, rejecting the defense argument that conducting the trial while Trump is campaigning for re-election in 2024 would constitute election interference, asked the former president, “Who the hell said you should run in theContinue reading “Trump: Running on empty”

By BRUCE LOWITT North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum announced Monday that he’s ending his presidential campaign, stunning Republican Party officials who said they didn’t know he had been a candidate. “I remember watching preparations for our first debate in Milwaukee back in August and seeing this guy standing behind a podium on the far end,”Continue reading “Burgum: The Short Goodbye”

By BRUCE LOWITT Florida State University, deprived of a shot at a national championship despite its perfect 13-0 record, sued the College Football Playoff Selection Committee on Sunday, claiming the inclusion of one-loss teams Texas and Alabama among the four title contenders was capricious, felonious and, as Seminoles coach Mike Norvell put it, “to useContinue reading “FSU: Formally Screwed University”

By BRUCE LOWITT Republicans in Congress, insisting on linking support for Ukraine with stronger southern U.S. border security, have filed legislation to resolve the dispute by preventing Ukrainians from entering the United States and requiring other migrants to prove they are seeking asylum to avoid persecution. “I say ‘Ukraine for Ukrainians, Mexico for Mexicans, everyoneContinue reading “Bordering on the Ridiculous”

By BRUCE LOWITT Rep. George Santos, R-Fabulist, said he won’t be running for reelection next year because he plans to be a candidate for mayor of half a dozen towns on Long Island, to challenge incumbent New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-#MeToo, and to run for president of both the United States and Indonesia, whereContinue reading “Santos just can’t stop running”

By BRUCE LOWITT The Southern California Committee for the Olympic Games, desperate to generate some buzz by having Major League Baseball players compete in the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Games, has moved its entire schedule from July to December. SCCOG Chairman Gene Salomon said he believes ballplayers from Milwaukee, Kansas City, Cincinnati “and other boringContinue reading “LA’s Olympics: Major League and weird”

By BRUCE LOWITT Supreme Court justices, responding to complaints and controversies about their ethics and behavior, adopted a broad code of conduct that includes “no running in the hallway”, “keep your hands to yourself” and “share with others.” Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. said the absence of a code of conduct in the pastContinue reading “SCOTUS: Courting good behavior”

By BRUCE LOWITT To the surprise of absolutely no one, Senator Tim Scott announced he is suspending his presidential campaign, won’t endorse anyone else in the Republican primary race, and called for all the other candidates to quit as well and concentrate on winning the White House and maybe some Senate and House seats inContinue reading “Scott: No longer running for the wrong reason”

By BRUCE LOWITT The New England Patriots, staggering through their worst season in 23 years, fired head coach Bill Belichick and hired Jim Harbaugh after the University of Michigan coach quit the unbeaten and second-ranked Wolverines to escape the turmoil and possible punishment for the team’s sign-stealing scandal.“We felt it was appropriate to change coachesContinue reading “Suddenly New England has a new look”

By BRUCE LOWITT Senate Republicans, angered over Tommy Tuberville’s blocking promotions of nearly four hundred military officers, voted Thursday to block his use of Capitol bathrooms.Tuberville, R-Jock Itch, who nine months ago decided to hold up all military promotions and confirmations to protest a Pentagon policy on abortion travel, replied to his colleagues’ rage byContinue reading “Tuberville’s Behind: Behind Enemy Lines”