By BRUCE LOWITT
President Donald Trump says he will deploy units of the United States Army and National Guard to the stadiums of the eleven cities hosting FIFA World Cup competition this summer, and will add a contingent of Marines if Iran winds up playing in one of them.
“When I said the Iraniacs … that’s what I like to call them, Iraniacs … would be welcome here but that their safety and maybe their lives would be at risk if they actually showed up, I meant it,” Trump said, “because the war I said would be over in just days or weeks will probably still be going on.
“I believe that the Marines I haven’t dispatched to the Middle East will be looking forward to lining up any Iran targ- … to watching any of Iran’s players line up for the team introductions, as well as any from Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Jordan, Iraq and any other countries stupid enough to send teams here while we’re on a war foot- … I mean an excursion footing, whatever that means. Pete Hegseth told me to say it.”
Vice President JD Vance, asked if he would welcome teams from the Middle East to the United States for the World Cup, sidestepped question by saying the news media is trying to “drive a wedge between members of the adminstration, between me and the president, because I have never been been opposed to a war here in our country. The problem for me is us fighting overseas.”
President Benjamin Netanyahu said Israel’s team, despite failing to qualify for the World Cup following its elimination last October in a regional group stage, has been reconstituted and would come to the United States for the competition at Trump’s urging.
“I can’t tell you exactly how many members our team will have, probably around two hundred,” Netanyahu said. “The Sayeret Matkal are elite … uh … how do you say it in English? Fighters, and not just on the sports field.”
In a related story, six members of Iran’s women’s World Cup team escaped from their hotel in Sydney and were granted humanitarian visas to seek asylum in Australia.
President Trump said they could also be granted asylum in the United States “because Iran is a bad place no one wants to live. I’ll just need photos of them without those hibijs … those hajibis … niqotis … niqabackas … those black bedsheets, whatever the hell they’re called, that they usually wrap themselves in.”
lowittlowdown 