By BRUCE LOWITT
The University of North Carolina’s Bill Belichick said today that, based on the Monday night outcome of his debut as head coach of the Tar Heels, he has decided to swap jobs with 24-year-old girlfriend Jordan Hudson for the remainder of the football season.
“I know I told Good Morning America that ‘She’s been very helpful to me. She does the business things that don’t relate to North Carolina that come up in my life so I can concentrate on football, and that’s what I want to do,’ but things have changed,” the 73-year-old Belichick said.
“The problem,” he added after UNC was crushed 48-14 on national television by Texas Christian University in the teams’ 2025 season opener, “is that in the year I was away from the game I clearly forgot half the shit that got me six Super Bowls. And half of the rest of the shit I need to know now I never needed in the NFL, like recruiting, and how to explain plays so bunch of eighteen-year-olds can understand them. ”
Tickets for the game were going for more than $1,000 on the open market and the price of an average ticket was in the $600 range, both close to double the price of last season’s home opener. But by halftime, some fans in sold-out 50,500-seat Kenan Stadium were heading for the exits as UNC trailed 20-7. It became a stampede as TCU rolled up 21 points in the third quarter, and most of the remaining in attendance were sticking around for a post-game fireworks show.
The Tar Heels’ next home game, September 13, is against the Richmond Spiders of the Patriot League, a major step down from the Atlantic Coast Conference, so UNC should have a relatively easy time, “assuming we don’t play like the high school team we looked like against TCU.”
“But if our fans don’t come out to watch us against the Spiders – who the hell names a team after an arachnid? – don’t blame me,” Belichick said. “I’m not in fucking marketing. That’s Jordan’s thing. I mean, it was her thing. I’m going to be hitting the books to learn all that shit. Also public relations. Apparently people think I have an attitude problem from watching me talk to the media. Well, screw them! Oh, wait. I get it now.”
While Belichick bones up on the business end of the game – he has a free weekend with the Tar Heels playing out of town next Saturday – Hudson said she’ll be boning up on the ins and outs of the players on the field for the game at UNC Charlotte.
“I’ve been around with my guy Bill long enough to understand football and I’m already pretty tight with a lot of the first-string guys,” she said. “I know a hard count and a silent count. I know a wideout from a tight end. I know what going long means and I’m really looking forward to coaching the boys up on the tush push. I’ve got some experience with that.”
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