By BRUCE LOWITT
A federal judge, finding the Trump Administration in criminal contempt of court Wednesday over its transporting U.S. legal residents to El Salvador, ordered the immediate deportation of President Donald Trump to Mjørkadalur Prison on Streymoy Island, one of Denmark’s Faroe Islands near the Arctic Circle.
“I told Trump’s people to turn those three planes around,” U.S. Judge James E. Boasberg said, “and instead they told me, in essence, ‘Nyaah, nyaah, nyaah.’ Those deportees ended up in a notorious Salvadoran prison. Well, if Mr. Trump is so hot for Greenland, one of Denmark’s territories, let’s see how he likes hanging out in another one of them.”
“The U.S. Constitution – I assume the president has heard of it – does not tolerate willful disobedience of judicial orders,” Boasberg said. “He and his flunkies have sworn an oath to uphold it. Now I’m holding him up, if you know what I mean.”
Mette Frederiksen, Denmark’s prime minister, visited Greenland last week and said of the United States, “You cannot annex another country,” even with the argument that international security is at stake. “Trump couldn’t even run a fucking casino. But if he keeps pushing this Greenland crap, I’ll send our security forces to annex Mar-a-Lago.”
She said she was open to having Trump “as a guest for as long as is necessary, particularly to give him time to reconsider his desire to acquire by force our autonomous territory. And I know he has a thing about NATO, so he’ll be happy to know Mjørkadalur Prison is an abandoned NATO military base in a valley in the middle of nowhere with nothing to see but the Kaldbaksfjørður fjord.”
She added that there are no McDonalds or Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants in the Faroe Islands. “There’s one Burger King. Regrettably, it doesn’t deliver to Mjørkadalur Prison,” Frederiksen said. “But I’m sure he’ll like our skerpikjøt, a well-aged, wind-dried mutton. It will probably get him thinking of his well-aged, wind-dried self.”
Boasberg said he will refer the criminal contempt matter for prosecution if the administration doesn’t return to U.S. custody those sent to El Salvador so they “might avail themselves of the right to challenge their removability, a right which Mr. Trump probably wants now that it’s his ass in the slammer.”
If the Justice Department refuses to prosecute, Boasberg added, “I’ll appoint another attorney. I hear Jack Smith isn’t too busy these days.”
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