Trump: Inheriting the Wind

By BRUCE LOWITT

President Donald Trump issued an executive order Thursday banning all names of potential 2025 hurricanes after the Department of Government Efficiency researched them and reported that “not one of them was an American name.”

The White House said DOGE, currently run by political albatross Elon Musk, spent $1.2-million investigating the 21 names assigned to this year’s possible hurricanes by the World Meteorological Organization to determine if “any of them originated outside the borders of the United States.”

According to the material collected by DOGE, the WMO’s assigned names, with their likely countries of origin, are Fernand, Gabrielle and Sebastien (France), Jerry, Melissa and Wendy (Netherlands) Andrea and Lorenzo (Italy), Dexter and Rebekah (United Kingdom) Barry (Ireland), Chantel (Cameroon), Erin (Sweden), Humberto (Portugal), Imelda (Indonesia), Karen (Armenia), Nestor (Republic of Georgia), Olga (Belarus), Pablo (Spain), Tanya (Ukraine) and Van (Vietnam).

According to Rep. Rosa DeLauro, D-Nonconformist, ranking member of the House Appropriations Committee, “the origin of the names also could have been easily determined with a quick internet search for a saving of $1.2-million.”

“I want purely American names,” Trump thundered, pounding his fist on the Oval Office’s Resolute Desk, upon which one of the DOGE incels placed a list of names that included Pocahontas, Geronimo, Sitting Bull, Cochise, Crazy Horse, and Sacajawea.

“What about John Smith?” Trump shouted.”

“Well …” said Akash Bobba.

“And who the hell are you!” Trump shot back. “You’re not one of us!”

“I’m one of the guys who runs DOGE. And unless you’re asking about the millions of guys who used that name instead of their own when signing into a motel …”

“Hey, JD,” Trump yelled at his vice president. “Didn’t you used to …”

“Uh, not since …”

“What about the John Smith who knew Pocahontas?” Trump bellowed.

“Born in England,” Bobba said.

“And what about …?” Trump roared, smacking the Resolute Desk again.

“Oh, and the desk you’re beating up? Made in England,” Bobba said. “ A gift from Queen Victoria.”

“Then get it out of here. I want an American desk. Hey, JD, get me the number for Ikea.”