By BRUCE LOWITT
Partial transcript of a conference call recording among some of the principal partners of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, and Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom, a pair of white-shoe law firms which surrendered under White House pressure rather than stand up for democracy and the Constitution. Similar prestigious law firms pounced on their decision, calling their rivals “pussies” and “million-dollar shysters” for buckling under President Donald Trump’s assault on the nation’s legal system. (The recording was provided by Rachel Cohen, soon-to-be-former associate at Skadden Arps, who was inadvertendly added to the call.)
Karen Dunn (Paul Weiss), former Associate White House Counsel: “… and as far as I’m concerned, screw them. And I mean all of them. Sullivan & Cromwell, and Kirkland & Ellis, and the rest of them that want to poach some of our partners. And they want us to kick in however many millions it’s going to cost to help them beat that fat prick?”
Stephen Robinson (Skadden Arps), former federal district court judge: “Hold on, Karen. That fat prick has the U.S. Treasury at his disposal and probably half my former colleagues in his pocket by now. Besides, I’m not going to be bringing in any money because I just committed to taking on a ton of work for some Canadian companies fighting tariffs in exchange for crates of the Tennessee whiskey Canada’s been pulling off the shelves.”
Fred Goldberg Jr. (Skadden Arps), former Internal Revenue Commissioner: “Whoa, Steve. I could bust you for that – unless you’re into sharing. But listen, I’ve still got a lot of connections that might get me some very interesting tax returns.”
Jeh Johnson (Paul Weiss), former Secretary of Homeland Security: “Ooh, you mean we might finally get to see Trump’s phony …”
Goldberg Jr.: “No, not his. The guys at Wachtell Lipton. They’ve been bad-mouthing us for weeks. I’d love to see how much Marty Lipton’s been pocketing from high school kids with that Prep for Prep thing they’ve got going. One phone call to him and Wachtell Lipton’s going to shut up and maybe even join us.”
Ted Wells (Paul Weiss), former NAACP chairman: “Y’know, I played center at Holy Cross and I’ve still got a lot of pull from when I did legal work on Deflategate and other stuff for the National Football League. I bet I could persuade a bunch of linemen to, y’know, ‘pay a visit’ to the folks at Jenner & Block, and maybe at Perkins Coie, to ‘explain’ to them that, y’know, just because we’re trying to, y’know, save our collecti1ve assets and asses, doesn’t mean we’re bad people.”
Anonymous voice: “Did none of you read my resignation letter? Nobody’s saying you’re bad people, just that you’re pussies doing bad things. I really think you should reconsider and …”
Robinson: “Who’s this? Who’s talking?”
Rachel Cohen: “Hi, guys. It’s Rachel. Someone keyed me into this call and …”
(Multiple clicks)
Cohen: “Hello? … Hello? … Anyone there?”
(Recording ends)
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