Big mistake, Donald. Huge!

By BRUCE LOWITT

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, infuriated by the dismissive and insulting behavior against him Friday in the White House, declared war Saturday on President Donald Trump and the United States.

He received the nearly unanimous immediate backing of NATO, and early reports confirmed significant gains by forces under Ukrainian Commander-in-Chief Col. Gen. Oleksandr Syrskyi.

“We were all right to help Ukraine and sanction Russia three years ago and we’re right to help Ukraine and sanction the United States today,” French President Emmanuel Macron said. “The aggression unleashed by Le Grosse Bouffon Orange was nothing short of a declaration of hostilities and deserves an appropriate response.”

Gegen diesen fetten Mistkerl kann sich die Ukraine auf Deutschland und Europa verlassen. (Ukraine can rely on Germany and Europe against this fat bastard.) German Chancellor Olaf Scholz wrote on Twitter.

And in Moscow, President Vladimir Putin told Tass, «Должно быть весело наблюдать за самоуничтожением Президента Пусси». (“This should be fun watching President Pussy self-destruct”).

With the American military decimated by the dismissal of most of its commanding officers by Trump and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, as well as drastic reductions in FAA air traffic controllers, several thousand Ukrainian soldiers landed uncontested in troop transports – along with the F-16s the United States European Union gave them – at airports in Washington, Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, and were quickly deployed.

“We have surrounded the White House, Pentagon, and Andrews Air Force Base or whatever the hell they call it now, and expect to take control of them within the hour,” Lt. Gen. Oleksandr Pavliuk, commander of Ukrainian ground forces,” told Newsmax White House correspondent John Gizzi.

The film, television network, and cable streaming systems were reportedly under siege in southern California, with Ukrainian troops clamoring for Scarlett Johansson and George Clooney movies.

“It’s tough keeping these guys under control,” said Viktor Khorenko, commander of Ukraine’s Special Operations Forces. “They’re kind of desperate after the years they’ve been force-fed Russian TV crap.”

In Chicago, Ukraine Marine Corps Commander Maj. Gen. Dmytro Delyatytskyi said there was no real reason for him to take control of the Windy City. “There’s nothing here we really need or want, except maybe for deep-dish pizza,” he said, “but no matter what I tell these clowns, they keep insisting they want to see Michael Jordan play. I guess they don’t keep up with the Bulls. And speaking of clowns, when do the Вайт Сокс start … uh, I’m sorry, the White Sox … when do they start playing again?”

In New York, President Zelenskyy told a simpering Sean Hannity, “We have taken control of the American financial system and, just for the hell of it, FOX News Channel and the New York Post, too.”

“And by the way, FOX’s headquarters address is no longer 1211 Avenue of the Americas,” Zelenskyy added. “The number’s the same but it’s now on Avenue of the Mexicans. In other words, ‘Fuck you, Donald.’”