By BRUCE LOWITT
An attorney and advisor for Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says being a major shareholder in companies that manufacture iron lungs and leg braces is in no way connected to his petition asking the federal government to revoke its approval of the polio vaccine.
“Claims that the vaccine has protected millions of people for three quarters of a century from a virus that can cause paralysis or death are wildly overstated,” Aaron Siri, a lawyer who opposes numerous vaccines, said Friday, “when it has been medically proven that the polio vaccine can cause sniffles, autism, crying babies – so annoying – and various forms of stupidity. I know because I have self-tested it.”
Siri said his holdings in Kansas-based Hess Services, Inc., developing a modern iron lung, and Wisconsin-based Vonco Products, manufacturer of orthopedic braces, are totally unrelated to his campaign to return the quality of American health care to the 1800s.
Siri also vehemently denies he is in any way related to or connected with the iPhone digital assistant that provides information and performs tasks. “If I need to know something new in medicine, I look it up in my Encyclopedia Britannica,” he said.
“Smallpox, typhoid, yellow fever, rabies, diphtheria, measles, mumps, rubella, polio, malaria, Ebola, meningitis, monkeypox, Covid … I’ve never had any of those so-called diseases,” Siri said, “and I’ve never had a vaccine for even one of them, and I’m as healthy as a horse – except for a bout of equine encephalomyelitis I’m dealing with right now.
“Oh, and once in a while I get rashes and chills and high fevers and headaches and nausea and vomiting and diarrhea and fatigue and pink eye and shortness of breath and weak joints and a sore throat,” he added, “but that’s just from overwork because I’m really concerned that if we don’t wipe out this flood of vaccines that’s ravaging the country, we’ll all get really sick.”
Siri also has petitioned the government to halt the distribution of 13 other vaccines including those for hepatitis A, hepatitis B “and any other hapa… uh, hepi … uh … oh, hell, any other letters I can think of.”
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