And Justice for All (well, for some … maybe)

By BRUCE LOWITT

(Excerpts from Tuesday’s defense and prosecution summations in former president and potential future cellblock leader Donald Trump’s hush-money trial. After six weeks of testimony from twenty witnesses in Judge Juan Merchan’s court, defense attorney Todd Blanche conducted his summation, followed by prosecutor Joshua Steinglass.)

Blanche: “I hope you haven’t been paying close attention to the evidence because if you have, we’re screwed. Donald Trump says he’s innocent and did not commit any crimes, but we all know he’s a pathological liar. … People think this whole trial is about sex. But it’s not about an encounter with a porn star that I wish I’d had a shot at. This supposedly is about money, but there are no signed checks with the notation ‘hush money’ or ‘erection … excuse me, election interference’ or ‘good pussy’ so obviously they were legitimate payments for whatever the hell our client wants you to believe they were for – like bat mitzvah gifts for Michael Cohen’s daughter and Big Macs for everyone at Donald Trump’s rallies.“

(At this point Blanche points at Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg, then at Steinglass, seated at the prosecution table, and shouts, “You’re out of order! You’re out of order! The whole trial is out of order!” The jury then rises and applauds his spot-on impression of Al Pacino. Trump is heard to say it was “the worst impression of (Robert) DeNiro I’ve ever seen.”)

Blanche (Showing the jury the notations of payments): “If these were so important and evidence of fraud, don’t you think President Trump would have taken them along with all the classified and top-secret documents he personally loaded into cartons and hid at Mar-a-Lago?”

(Trump coughs loudly, beckons Blanche to the defense table and says, “Catch and kill.”)

Blanche: “It’s about evidence and, holy shit, there’s a ton of that. But it’s my job to convince you that Michael Cohen was lying, that David Pecker was lying, that Hope Hicks was lying, that everybody in the whole freaking world was lying except for Donald Trump, so please forget what I said about him when I started this charade – uh, summation. Also, millions of people voted for Trump and the National Enquirer circulation was three hundred and fifty thousand, so do you think it matters that millions of people who saw the magazine on the supermarket checkout line and the millions who watched the TV network and cable news programs and were on Twitter and heard everyone talking about Trump fucking a porn star would …”

(Trump makes gagging noises. Blanche leans over him. Trump whispers through his clenched teeth loud enough for people to hear in the last row of the courtroom: “Catch … and … kill.” Blanche looks confused. Trump stage-whispers: “If I catch you within a mile of Mar-a-Lago I’m going to kill you. It will be a bloodbath.” Blanche approaches the jury.)

Blanche: “Never mind.”

(After a break for lunch, as Steinglass is about to begin his summation, Judge Juan Merchan cautions him to refer to Donald Trump “either by his name, as the former president, or as the defendant, and not as a psychopathic narcissist, or a dictator-in-training, or as my favorite, a fat fuck.” Steinglass then opens the prosecution’s summation by referring to Blanche’s summation.)

Steinglass: “Uh, everything that guy said is bullshit.”

Merchan: “What the …”

Steinglass: “Sorry, your honor. It’s Joe Pesci’s opening line as defense counsel in My Cousin Vinny. Great film. Perfect line, Been dyin’ for years to use it.”

Merchan: “Mr. Steinglass …”

Steinglass: “I know, I know. But it’s also accurate. I mean, did you listen to Blanche’s three hours of bullshit?”

Merchan: “Regrettably, yes.”

Steinglass: “The defense claims Michael Cohen is going after the defendant because he lied for the defendant and wound up in prison. I would suggest that Mr. Cohen in understandably angry because he paid the price lying for the defendant and didn’t even get so much as a hand job from Stormy Daniels, never mind getting laid. Meanwhile, Ms. Daniels wasn’t extorting the defendant. She just wanted to get paid. See what I did there? Laid? Paid? Oh, I’m good.”

(During the preceding statement, Trump’s hands slowly drop below the defense table and his normally dour expression seems to soften markedly, approaching what appears to be bliss, until Blanche elbows him.)

Steinglass: “The defendant cut Mr. Cohen loose after three years of servitude. Don’t feel bad for him, but don’t blame him for making money on the defendant’s misfortune. That’s what Blanche and his team are doing as … Oh, wait. Never mind. They haven’t been paid a dime yet, have they?”

(Blanche and Emil Bove, another of the defense attorneys, seated on either side of Trump, grab his arms. Trump appears to respond by gazing around aimlessly and pretending to whistle.)

Steinglass: “Okay, I guess four hours of this is enough. Time to wrap it up. But let me just say this. (He points at Trump.) I’ve lived among them all my life. You can’t believe a word they say. You know that. I mean, they’re born liars!”

Merchan (banging his gavel as the courtroom erupts): “Strike that! Mr. Steinglass, I find … Wait. You grew up in Queens and knew the Trump family?”

Steinglass: “Nah, I just …”

Merchan: “Hold on. What you just said. I’ve heard that somewhere.”

Steinglass: “Yeah. From 12 Angry Men. Another great trial film. But if you don’t believe what I just said about that fat f… about the defendant, well, you can’t handle the truth.”