By BRUCE LOWITT
Judge Aileen Cannon admitted she postponed Donald Trump’s clasified-documents trial indefinitely after a plea from conservative Federalist Society Chairman Leonard Leo while she was spanking him with a copy of National Review magazine.
“Lenny – we’ve been very good friends for a long time – invited me to stop by his suite last week when he was staying at Mar-a-Lago under the name Alexander Hamilton. Pretty clever, eh?” Cannon said. “My bailiff told me I should go. He said, ‘Like, what could possibly go wrong?’
“I walked into his room and he was wearing this leopard-print mink and feather and I said, ‘Does Ginni Thomas know you’re wearing her pajamas?’ Lenny took it off and begged me to spank him, so I rolled up a National Review with his face on the cover and whacked him on the ass a couple of times.”
Cannon said she then went into the bathroom, threw up, washed up, and came back out and found Leo had changed into a G-string, ball gag and blindfold and had handcuffed himself to the bed. “I told him, ‘Stay right there. I’ll be right back,’ and I laughed so hard I pulled a rib muscle as I left,” she said.
Cannon, nominated by Trump to the federal bench shortly before he lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden, already has made several decisions favorable to the former president, ruling that he is “obviously innocent, regardless of the evidence,” and that prosecutor Jack Smith “looks like something out of The Handmaid’s Tale with that creepy robe and hairy face.”
Leo said he complimented Cannon on her conduct of the trial “so far, considering it’s been a couple of years and it hasn’t even begun yet.”
Further, Leo said when she asked him earlier this week how she might further delay it, he told her, “Just do what people have been saying about you ever since you got assigned to the trial, that you’re trying to read everything you can about mistrials, that you shouldn’t have agreed to hold onto those boxes marked ‘classified’, that you wish you’d taken that interview with FOX chief Rupert Murdoch two years ago when Tucker Carlson left the network, and that basically you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, nor do you care.”
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