By BRUCE LOWITT
Despite a vehement protest from GOP House Foreign Services Committee Chairman Michael McCaul, the Republican Party has formally changed its name to Единая с Россия.
“We feel that ‘United With Russia’ more accurately describes our philosophy,” said Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Vladivostok, who authored the name-change proposal. “I mean, Единая Россия is President (Vladimir) Putin’s party over there, so why not show him a little respect by uniting with him … um, it?”
The idea drew an angry rebuke from McCaul, R-Cowtipper. “Russian propaganda has made its way into the United States, unfortunately,” he said, “and it’s infected a good chunk of my party’s base, starting with that Jewish-space-laser-promoting, women’s-health-hating, anti-everything … uh, have I left anything out? Oh, yeah, fuckin’ bitch.”
McCaul didn’t specify which space-laser-promoting fucking bitch he was referring to, but he giggled when Greene leapt to her feet, pointed at him and shouted, “Bloodbath! We should be united with Russia in our goal of coronating Donald Trump to another four-year term – or eight years or twenty or however long he wants.”
Trump has come out against a bipartisan bill passed by the Senate to provide $95-billion in aid to Ukraine, now in the third year of its war with Russia.
Instead, he has promoted a way to end the conflict: by Ukraine surrendering land to Russia. Advisors who have met with Trump and spoke on condition of anonymity said he proposed ceding territory in Crimea and the Donbas border region to Russia, along with Vermont, Massachusetts and Hawaii.
“He called those last three our shithole states,” one advisor said of Trump’s plan. “Also, as part of his plan, Ukraine would get Norilsk, the coldest city in Siberia, and he would finally get to build Trump Tower Moscow, which would be off-limits to New York Attorney General Letitia James and Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg.”
In the past, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has rejected any peace plan that would involve giving up any of his country’s territory, But when told of Trump’s proposal, he countered with one of his own – swapping the 149 million acres of Ukraine in exchange for 173 million acres of the southeastern United States.
“I’m talking about Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Tennessee and North and South Carolina,” Zelenskyy said. “But not Florida’s 46 million acres. They’re not included. I mean, Florida? Talk about a shithole state …”
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